英语笑话大全 爆笑

导读：　英语笑话大全 爆笑篇一《看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译》1 One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to ...

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英语笑话大全 爆笑篇一
《看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译》

1.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫 回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"

2.The Looney Bin

Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

疯人院

一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑！”另一个说：“你怎么知道？”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的！”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说！”

英语笑话大全 爆笑篇二
《英语幽默小笑话大全》

英语幽默小笑话大全

1.a kiss

At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.

The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."

The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

2.a great man

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

3.buying your ticket

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

英语笑话大全 爆笑篇三
《暑假英语学习计划-笑话大全 爆笑》

慢慢长假,你是否为自己的暑假制定了好的英语学习计划呢?在这里,海狼英语学习网为大家提供一份xiaohua网友分享的自己的暑假英语学习计划,希望大家娱乐与学习相结合,过个充实愉快的暑假.

暑假英语学习计划: 一、总则：

1、坚持每一天，充分利用一切可以利用的时间学英语。没有持之以恒的学习和大量的时将做保障，一切都是空谈。

2、每天听写一篇文章，以此文章为中心，展开一天的学习。

3、听说读写译五项都要练，以听说为主。

4、求质不求量，把听写的文章彻底搞懂足矣，不要好大喜功，贪大贪快。扎扎实实，按部就班，是学好英语的必经之路。

5、把零碎的时间充分利用起来学英语，不断地重复。

6、听写是个学习英语的好方法，要继续加强。

7、早睡早起学英语。

8、抓住一套教材足矣，不要盲目的更换教材。

9、每天学习英语必须要有详细可行的计划，必须坚决执行，没有任何借口。

10、相信自己，一定能够学好英语。

二、分则：

（一）听力：

1、除周末外，每天晚上10：00——12：00听写一篇五分钟左右的短文。着重听力后的分析过程。

2、早晚都随身带MP3，一有空闲时间就反复听这篇短文，直到听烂为止。

3、周末看一部外国电影，复习就内容，检查一周来的学习计划执行情况。

4、重视精听，听无数遍。

（二）口语：

1、朗读并努力复述听写的短文。

英语笑话大全 爆笑篇四
《幽默、搞笑的中英文翻译大全》

幽默、搞笑的中英文翻译大全

~本人见过的最邪门的翻译

电影

《国产007》=《From Beijing with Love》——从北京带着爱 《唐伯虎点秋香》=《Flirting Scholar》——正在调情的学者

《鹿鼎记》（黄晓明版 陈小春版 梁朝伟版） =《Royal Tramp》——皇家流浪汉

《英雄本色》=《A Better Tomorrow》——明天会更好

《神雕侠侣》(内地版 古天乐版 刘德华版)=《Saviour of the Soul》——灵魂的救星

《三国演义》=《Romance of Three Kingdoms》——三个王国的罗曼史

《赤壁》＝《Red Cliff》——红岩

《霸王别姬》=《Farewell My Concubine》——再见了，我的小老婆 《东邪西毒》=《Ashes of Time》——时间的灰烬（这个译名意味深长，无论你是东邪还是西毒，武功再高还不是最后都成了时间的灰烬？）

《甲方乙方》=《Dream Factory》——梦工厂

《烈火金刚》=《Steel Meets Fire》——钢遇上了火

《刘三姐》=《Third Sister Liu》——第三个姐姐刘

《花样年华》=《In the Mood for Love》——在爱的情绪中 1

英语笑话大全 爆笑篇五
《英语幽默笑话带翻译》

英语幽默笑话带翻译

1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 医生懂得多

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."

2:You can't go without me

The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. "Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.

"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.

"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.

没有我你们走不了

公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.

"喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.

"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.

"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.

3:Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

英语笑话大全 爆笑篇六
《英语小幽默》

1．No Cavities

A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit,"Hey mom,the dentist says I have no cavities. "

His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised,"It's impossible --you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed!

Then the boy opened his mouth --he had not a tooth left!

英文笑话：我没有蛀牙

小男孩儿看完牙医，

面带微笑地回到家：“嘿，妈妈，牙医说，我一颗蛀牙也没有。”

妈妈惊讶地瞪大眼睛：“不可能——你每回上床睡觉前都把巧克力盒子里的糖一下子吃完，而且从来不刷牙！”

这时，男孩儿张开了嘴巴——他的牙全被拔光了。

2.Teacher:“ I have two questions, it isn't necessary to answer the second question if you know the result of the first question.How much hair do you have?”

Student： “ A hundred and twenty millions.”

Teacher:“ How do you know it?”

Student:“ It is not necessary to answer the second question.”

老师："我有两个题目，你若能答出第一题就不需答第二题。你有多少根头发?" 学生："1.2亿根。" 英语幽默笑话：一分一块钱 A dollar per point

编辑点评：Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor

英语笑话大全 爆笑篇七
《笑话大全_爆笑》

笑话两则




一早上班穿鞋，发现有一只鞋上的水钻明显少了， 便问家人，“我鞋上的水钻呢？”五岁的儿子一 边扒饭吃，一边回答“我抠下来送我们班女同学 了”…… 小外甥给我出了一个题：在医学上痛分12级痛， 被蚊子盯是1级痛，生孩子是12级痛，请问13级 痛是什么！我想半天也没想起来，什么比生孩子 还痛，我说：死。他说NO，最后公布答 案……………生孩子的时候被蚊子盯，这死孩 子。。

儿童笑话


家有四岁萝莉一颗 。女儿发烧,我和老公带 她去医院。医生说,打针好的快。女儿一听 就哭,看着后面排队的病号,老公强行把她摁 住。那位三十多的男医生赶紧扎针。 萝莉 一面回头看看她爸和医生,哭着说,"你们男 人真是没一个好东西。"

每日一笑
 儿子在学校又犯错了，班主任再次打电话 向家长告状。泪流满面的她彻底地感到了 作为单身妈妈的难处。她狠狠地在这个10 岁的小男孩屁股上拍了几巴掌，然后冲他 吼道：这一次到底又犯什么错误了？什么 借口？儿子眨眨眼，笑了：妈，这次犯错 后就是第十次了，老师要家访，我们男老 师单身很帅的哦！

好囧哦！


1、一天，妈妈问儿子：“你将来想找个什么样的老婆





啊？”儿子仰起脸天真的说：“我要找个像妈妈这样的！” 妈妈很高兴继续问：“为什么啊？”儿子说：“这样，我 以后有外遇老婆也发现不了。” 2、数学考试成绩公布了，两个小女孩在嘀咕。A失望地说： “如果这样下去，我们的前途定会一片渺茫。”B满不在 乎地说：“那可不一定哦！”A惊奇地问道：“为什么 呢？”B：“这么简单都不明白，咱们迟早要出嫁，没有 一个男人希望他的妻子懂数学。” 3、一群小孩子在塑泥人儿，一个小女孩不小心，把另一 个小男孩塑的“那个”碰掉了。小男孩要她赔，她就弄了 一块泥巴沾上去了。小男孩说：“那怎么粘的是向上呀。” 小女孩：“我见过的都是这样的呀！！！”

开心一刻


有次半夜一棒人(9个)唱K出来，快醉了，路 上车辆已经寥寥无几，正在聊天之际，来了 一辆出租，不由分说，稀里糊涂的居然9个人 全都塞进去了；司机表情都木了......GC是没 走几分钟碰上JC了，JC一看也呆了，说了一 句让所有人内牛满面的话，＂下来，不罚你 们钱，你们在示范一次给我看看你门几个怎 么装进去的.

伤不起啊！
• 有一家酒吧新出了一种酒。为了招揽顾客，就在门口 立了一个牌子说：谁喝了我们出的新酒一瓶还能完成 我们的3个任务，就免费在本店喝酒一个月！ 有 一个酒鬼就来试试了，一瓶下去摇摇晃晃的就问老板 是什么任务。老板对他说

英语笑话大全 爆笑篇八
《爆笑英语笑话 中英文对照》

英语笑话【Laughter】

Recently,I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chair of a dining set bought from us in the 1930s.I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager.“You’ll never beileve this one,”I told the office manager.“I just got a call from a customer who bought some chair from us in the 1930s.”Before I could finish,he interrupted and said,“Don’t tell me she hasn’t received them yet!”

最近，我接到一个妇女的电话。她上个世纪30年代从我们这里买了一套餐厅家具，现在想来换一些椅子。我跟她说我们可以帮忙，并向部门经理提了出来。“你肯定不会相信，”我对部门经理说，“我刚接到一个顾客的电话，她在30年代就从我们这买了一些椅子。”我还没来得及说完，经理就打断我说：“不要告诉我她到现在还没有收到货啊！”

Man:Why did you make women so beautiful?

God:So that you will love them.

Man:But why did you make them so dumb?

God:So that they will lov you.

男子：你为什么让女人生得那么美？

上帝：这样你才会爱上她们呀！

男子：可你为什么又让女人那么笨呢？

英语笑话大全 爆笑篇九
《爆笑经典英语笑话》

爆笑经典英语笑话（六）

2011-01-21 08:42:36

一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”

后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”

日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”

爆笑经典英语笑话(五)

2011-01-19 16:26:15

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too.

某人听后又道：I am sorry three.

老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?

某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.

爆笑经典英语笑话(四)

2011-01-17 17:31:48

话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM后羿！」

B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」

轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」

爆笑经典英语笑话（三）

2011-01-13 10:58:05

1

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