英语小品剧本 搞笑

导读：　英语小品剧本 搞笑篇一：搞笑英语话剧剧本 1doc ...

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英语小品剧本 搞笑篇一：搞笑英语话剧剧本.1doc

搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sword

搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》

旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.

Action I

太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）

太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三：Yes.

Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）

荆轲

Are you Li mochou?

李莫愁

Yes.

荆轲

OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.

李莫愁

Are you challenging me?

荆轲

Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意

莫愁

Come on!

音乐起

两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。” 李莫愁倒地

荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢

一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. 轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荆柯：Sure!

太子丹：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?

太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：

To be or not to be, that's a question.

阿三：Hero，we need your help.

荆柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.

荆柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?

荆柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.

阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .

太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.

荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗„„

荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you. 太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!

Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）

荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.

阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.

（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose

在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.

妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you. 荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.

妻子:"I promise."

荆轲:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。） 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，

荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never„„ Never„„ 妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.

英语小品剧本 搞笑篇二：搞笑英语话剧剧本

搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿

旁白

道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。

第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .

Birds are dancing in the cold .

A man is walking along the street ,step by step .

Wind is coming in silence.

Another mysterious man approaches .

Y与X相遇．

X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !

Y:, Never mind baby.

X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?

Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?

X:Iamximenchuixue.

Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?

X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!

Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!

X:No, I must kill you !

Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!

X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?

Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!

X:Pardon!

(Y拿出一袋牛奶)

X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?

Y:please drink it!

X喝完牛奶:Thanks,

Y:Do you still want to kill me ?

X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.

Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?

X:I’m sure I won’t!

Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!

X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !

Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit

（一人路过，x起身跑过去）

X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .

Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

X:Thanks,byebye.

Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)

Y:Who are you?

H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?

Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .

H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !

Y:You are right !

H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my

king,he will give what you want.

Y:Yes,It’s very good.

H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!

第二幕：无间道

H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.

K:sit down plese, yegucheng.

Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?

King:yes,I will.

Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?

K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……

Y:of course.

美女出场

M:hello，帅锅..

K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.

H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter

what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?

Y: Yes,I do.

K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）

X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!

K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?

Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.

X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!

Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!

X:Forgive you? Why ?

Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell

you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!

X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”! Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)

X:milk?I love you.

K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !

X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)

K:Fuck you. I must kill you!

X:How can you kill me? haha……

Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)

M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑

到西门吹雪身边）

Y :do you want to go to wc?

X:Yes,I……I…… do.

Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.

M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !

K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?

M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue. K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?

Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.

M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and

tomorrow is a good beginning !

K:what a moving story ! I was impressed ! Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !

M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !

(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)

Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)

（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）

M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .

X:go home ! ?

M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.

X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.

M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,

M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !

英语小品剧本 搞笑篇三：四人英语搞笑话剧剧本

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie<Avatar>? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.

乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞

吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?

甲:(作目瞪口呆状),

乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)

丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many

achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....

甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

near, far, wherever you are

i believe that the heart does go on

once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)

and you're here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on.

甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise 丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a

question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.

甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?

丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....

丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah! 甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.

丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!

甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,

丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.

甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,

三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right? 丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?

丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?

三人同声:we are past,right?

甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!

三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!

乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)

甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward

to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齐答:yes,we do!

甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

英语小品剧本 搞笑篇四：搞笑英语话剧剧本

英语小品剧本 搞笑篇五：英语搞笑小品剧本1

Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)

Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景

Scene1（At Salesman’s home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu „„ He is coming! S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money„„

Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)

First, put the flour on the table.

Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)

Now press, press„„

Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)

Press, press„„

Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!

Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe„„ Now let me cut it into pieces!

One, two, three, four, five„„（用脏菜刀）

Wow, everything is ready!

糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu„

S: Mmmm„It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha„„

C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)

Scene2（At the school gate）

N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）

(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! „„

M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!

A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!

M: Let’s ask him.

A: OK!

C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）

M&A: Why?

C: I’m dirty！

M: No, you look nice!

C: What can I do? (面向观众) Wuwuwu„(小贩将她拉在后面)

S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）

M&A: How much are they?

S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）

M&A: Money?(对视)

M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）

A: Me too.

S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)

M: What can we do now?

A: Let’s ask dad for money.

M: But how to ask?

A: How?„Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）

M: Good idea!(全部下场)

Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home）

N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever. (爸爸看报)

M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK? (同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸) A: And play the guitar for us!

M: We know you play so well!

(爸爸诧异地看着孩子)

D: Oh? What a bright day today!

M&A: Please, dad!(哀求)

D:OKOK! Let’s.

(取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss? M&A: Of course!

(开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。)

D: What’s the matter?

M: Dad, we have no money!

A: Can we have some please?

D: I think you have lots of pocket money ,and you don’t need any more. M:I want to buy some candies at the school gate.

A: They look so sweet and nice!

M: Other students always buy them!

D: But„„You can’t ! They are quite unhealthy. Please go and do your homework..(置之不理，转头看报，孩子回到房间)

M: What shall we do now?

A: Let me think „well, I know!(轻声在Maggie耳边说)

M: Oh, you are so clever! Let’s go.(回到爸爸身边)

M: Dad, I want a new eraser!

A: I want a longer ruler!

M&A: Dad, please！

D: Things are expensive these days. We have to save money!

M: But dad, my eraser is too small now!(拿出破橡皮来给爸爸看)

A: And my ruler is broken.（拿出断尺）

D: OK, children. I believe you this time, make sure, don’t buy the food at the school gate. It’s unhealthy! Do you know?

M&A: Yes, sir!

D: Here you are !( 给钱)

M&A: Thanks very much, dad! Bye!(非常高兴，下场)

N: The next day, when the class is over ,Maggie and Alice come to the salesman again. They are happy to buy the candies and then have them, but soon they feel a stomachache.

(孩子高兴地买了糖，边吃边回家，小贩下场，孩子到家后肚子痛)

M: Aiyo!„„（两人躬着背进场）

A: „„.

D: What’s wrong?

M: I’ve a stomachache!

A: Me too!

D: What did you eat? The food at the school gate?

M: Yes. We had some candies just now.

A: I had some too!

D: Oh! You’ve cheated me! You bought the candies instead of the eraser and ruler. I always tell you that don’t buy the food at the school gate, they are unhealthy!（生气）

M: But they look nice!

A: And tastes good!

M&A: Aiyo„„

D:Well, Let’s go to the salesman together and have a look!

M&A: OK.

Scene 4: (At the school gate)

N: When they get to the school gate, a policeman is asking the salesman to go away.

(正走到校门口，发现警察驱赶校门口的小贩)

P: Hey! You shouldn’t stay here, leave now!

C: Let’s go home, let’s go home! (轻声并拉小贩)

S: No! My candies are nice and popular here! And„

C: You are telling a lie! I’m very dirty and unhealthy!

M&A: Dad, it’s him! Aiyo„（指着小贩）

D: He?

(警察走过来问爸爸，朝小孩)

P: What’s the matter with them?

D: They got a stomachache after having his candies.

S: Really? But I’ve never heard of it. And„„

英语小品剧本 搞笑篇六：搞笑小品剧本

搞笑小品剧本《四大才子》

主题：音乐小品《四大才子》

策划：销售部

音乐：销售部

演员：唐伯虎（贵生）、祝枝山（小班长）、文征明（彥峰）、周文斌（付博）、秋香（庞军）、华夫人（立伟）、如花（小白）

秋香：黑丝袜，大裤衩，

如花：大黑痣，大胸，大胡子，馒头

道具：四把扇子，假发、梳妆镜、三条手绢(秋、华、如自备)

灯光聚焦李伟、皮皮，吉他弹唱《蝴蝶花》；

唱完第一段（别叹息别叹息，别对我说没有不老的红颜）停

灯光发散全场

华夫人、 秋香 、如花 娇涩状出场，左顾右盼，看热闹状，（左右左整齐扭走），秋香托胸动作。

秋：华夫人，您瞧，今天在场有这么多帅哥美女，多热闹啊！

华：秋香，你要Hold住哦！

秋香摸腿，故意露出网袜，四处张望，作羞涩状

秋：您不是要我成hold住姐嘛！ （表情萌）

华：如花，这么多衰锅在，别再抠你的鼻屎了！

如花继续抠鼻屎，很不情愿的慢慢放下手来，表情猥琐。

如花：（吮手）嗯 ～～～（嗲音）

音乐起(四大老子出场音乐)

四大才子台步浪荡出场，秀香肩，各摆一造型

周：HI，everybody,还记得我吗 ，我是你们最最亲爱的----小斌斌。（拿出镜子、小梳子梳头）本人文韬武略，上知天文，下知地理，刚从我的粉丝国日本回来，嗬，到日本，刚下飞机，我就看苍姐在机场拉了个特大的横幅写道：欢迎我们的小斌斌来日！我的粉丝们太热情了！哦～～（嗲，小沈阳腔调）

祝（发套，北京腔）：你倒是挺美，我元旦跑去埃及度假，想看看狮身人为什么这么的面像，结果碰上了民众暴力冲突，把我那经典的发型轰成了这个模样（抚摸头发）。

文：（河南腔），祝兄，谁让你非跑国外呢？我在国内喝着蒙牛，吃着地沟油，看着郭美美和甘露露娘俩，坐高铁出门，路边扶扶老太太，生活也是很惊险刺激的嘛。【年会搞笑小品剧本《四大才子》】年会搞笑小品剧本《四大才子》。

祝：文兄，谁让你爸不是李刚？

文：你你你，你才是文胸呢！

唐：亲，你们都out了，我最近用唐伯虎的实名注册了世纪佳缘帐号，很快就勾搭上一个叫秋香的小妞，现在聊的火热，我们相约今天见面，于是我到银泰网站看了好几天，最后买了双鱼网袜快递送给她。我们约好了，今天路上要是看见穿这鱼网袜的，那就是她了！（咬手指，呵呵呵呵奸笑）

四人对视，四处张望，最后全部定睛在不远处秋香的腿。

秋香正骚首弄姿，一直摸着穿网袜的腿。

灯光聚焦李伟、皮皮，弹唱《情非得已》（哦。。。哦。。哦。。哦。。哦）结束停。 音乐串烧起，七人两分钟集体舞。

(脱掉，脱掉，脱掉，七人脱下外套向不同方向甩出，秋香分别掏出两个馒头向台下抛去)

唐伯虎边跳边靠近秋香，猛然抱住秋香，秋香一声惊叫，扭涅状跑下台去

其余人慌乱，舞停。

唐：秋香……秋香……奔跑慢动作，假装拌倒. 小品剧本

三大才子慢动作追上，迅速将唐抬下场

华夫人和如花挥手，呼喊着秋香,下台.

灯光聚焦李伟、皮皮，吉他弹唱，《那些花儿》

End……

超级搞笑小品剧本；大话西游之千年等一会

演员：

小白：xxx 许仙：xxx 法海：xxx 法海徒弟：xxx 傻蛋：xxx

小青：xxx 保洁：xxx 小弟：xxx 帮 众：传菜部男生

导演：xxx

简介：本小品为现代版大话西游之千年等一会。 看点--------超级搞笑

剧情：小白和小青在人间和许仙分开后，开了一家药材公司，然而就在公司开业那天，碰到了黑社会“棒棒糖帮”收保护费的，小青公司的保安把黑社会的赶走后黑帮的老大来了，这个黑帮的老大尽然是许仙。在这期间许仙和小白小青发生了一些故事，他们两个又走到了一起。最后那个讨厌的法海来了.................................

道具：

桌子：1张 男西服：3套 宝剑：1把 凳子：2把 男风衣：1件 雨伞：1把 招牌：1块

女西服：1套 大扫把：1把 墨镜：1副 女部长服：1套 口罩：1个 火机：1个 烟 ：5根

炮竹：1个 棒棒糖：15个 A4纸：5张《打好：鼓掌和再鼓掌》 锅：一个 缠章：一个

剧情内容：

小青：先生们，女士们，姑娘们，小伙子们，各位领导，各位来宾，大家注意了。首先自我介绍一下，我叫小青，是我们“三步倒药材无限公司”的秘书，我们老板呢姓白，标

准的美女一个。今天是我们公司开业大吉，欢迎各位来宾来我公司参观.指导.品尝.多提宝贵意见，要说我们的药材有什么齐效，那是公猪吃了能下崽，小狗吃了能跳墙，小鸡吃了能上天，王八吃了活千年。恩？怎么都是畜生吃的东西啊！哎算了，只要是你吃了就知道是什么功效了，不说了，我要给我们白总汇报工作了！“白总，今天我们开张，你怎么不出来招呼一下啊！累死我了。”

小白：好青儿，你辛苦了，还有件事需要你赶快去办呢，今天中午你去那个最有名的“澳门大酒店”给我订个包间，晚上我要请“刘德华和小沈阳”吃饭，关于为我们公司做代言的事，人家可是大腕，一定要招待好。

小青：好的白总，你就放心吧！哎，白总，你在办公室坐了一天又想什么呢？看你心事重重的，是不是还在想那个许仙啊！

小白：青儿，毕竟我们俩曾经是夫妻，一日夫妻百日恩，况且他还是我的救命恩人，现在我跟他虽然已经分居好几年了，心里肯定还是有点想的。

小青：姐姐，那个许仙他那么对不起你，你还对他念念不忘，许仙当初整天花天酒地，不务正业，偷鸡摸狗，长了一副和小沈阳一样色眯眯的眼睛，看到漂亮的女孩子就眉来眼去，那口水流的得用桶接，他现在已经是一个名副其实的大流氓大混混了，姐--姐！

小白：好了好了青儿，不说了，你帮我把这几份合同整理一下，顺便把那个“傻蛋”的工资发了。

{放背景音乐“大哥”许仙出场}

许仙：要烟动作

小弟A：递烟

小弟B：上火

小弟A：棒哥，前面新开了家公司，要不我去给你收点保护费？

许仙：做去的动作

小弟A：拍桌子“美女，在我们棒棒糖帮开公司也不事先打个招呼，今天我来不为别的是来收保护费的，快点那钱。”

小青：钱？？？哪个钱？小品剧本

小弟A：q i a n 钱的钱！

小青：哦`````！是收保护费的啊！

小弟A：对，小妞识相点的话，赶快拿钱，不然对你不客气。

小青：你是要金银首饰.还是要人民币.韩币.日元.美元还是欧元？

小弟A：只要是钱统统拿来。

小青：要钱没有要命一条。

小弟A：我看你是欠揍。《拿出刀开始吓唬小青》

小青：傻蛋

傻蛋：有

小青：有人闹事，把他赶出去。【超级搞笑小品剧本；大话西游之千年等一会】超级搞笑小品剧本；大话西游之千年等一会。

《小弟A被赶出》

小青：傻蛋别追了，扫你的地去。

小弟A：你们等着，我叫我老大来收拾你们。---------老大，那公司的俩娘们太不识抬举，不但不交保护费，而且还打了我一顿。

许仙：给小弟A一巴掌说：“傻蛋，收个保护费都收不来，真是个废物，养着你们有什么用，今天我就教教你们怎么收保护费。大家好，本人姓许，名：仙 字汉文，正所谓神见神爱，人见人嗨，车见爆胎，那说的就是在下。自从我跟我娘子因为那些见不得人的事情分居后，我也不开药铺了，那生意挣不了几个钱，经过别人的煽动进了黑社会，因为我在帮里出色的表现，现在已经是棒棒糖帮的老大。人称：棒哥。 唱歌：“棒棒糖呀！棒棒糖呀！甜又甜，甜又甜，你呀放到嘴里，你呀放到嘴里，《做添棒棒糖状要发出声音》。-----《广告次语气》只要加入我帮，你---就有吃不完的棒棒糖，你--还在犹豫什么，心动不如行动，赶快加#from 本文来自学优高考网end#入我们吧！

《传菜部所有男孩上台起哄加如帮派每人发一个棒棒糖》

许仙：恩，我的队伍又壮大了，让我去看看谁这么大胆敢在我的地盘上撒野。

《许仙，小白，小青见到后做吃惊状》

英语小品剧本 搞笑篇七：7人搞笑英语版话剧剧本-三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage

Aside: Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four

Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness.

Our script is revised from this story . In this play, we add many modern and funny elements. For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own SWordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香） were combined in our play. Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.

Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue. But this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it. Three visits to the cottage

Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the

three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.

SCENE 1: Liubei's home

Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei

Guanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic

life end? It's so terrible!

Liubei: Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb

says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?

Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his

husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.

Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse

Liubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me

and go to the mountain for dunning!

Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang. SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: ZhuGeliang Zhu’s Wife

ZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so morose recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience) I’ve never heart about that. And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. It’s ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?

Wife: Darling! ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.

Wife： My dear, how about your study? ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze. I’m dizzy. Wife： Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet6 to get

your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here

for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Tianjin.(cry) ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.

Wife： Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see! ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!

ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t. Wife： Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?

Wife： You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really

wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I

didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now, ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop! I ‘m going to study hard at once.

Wife (laugh): That's the spirit! Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6. I

even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they

dun for debts. ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei?

Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!

Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?

Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to

welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him

that boss has went to study in England.

Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of

ZhuGeliang’s house.

SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper

Zhangfei: Let me knock the door! Open! Open!!!

Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt?

(Open the door)

Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.

Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.

Liubei: En????

Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the

exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.

Liubei: OK! We will wait for him here!

Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, let’s go home! Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply

autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang as well . Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.

SCENE4 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper

Zhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him

up for you. It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.

Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god! Let’s go there again and show our

the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)

Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6. Please wait

for a moment!

Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu! Come out! Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle

and his third niece. Get out, or I will burn your house down!

Guanyu: Sunflower press! AI. Litter brother, big brother has said several times,

We are intellectuals, understand? Don't be so rude, we are here for

debt, not for his life. If you will kill him, where is our money?

Liubei: The submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t you know that simple

reason? If you know, please bat your eyes!

Zhangfei (Bat eyes)

Guanyu: sunflower press!!!!!

Zhangfei: Where did you get this KongFu?

Guanyu: Hehe! I get it from a TV program called “My Own SWordsman”, which

is so popular with lots of people in China!

Zhangfei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese

KongFu if we had know that before!

Guanyu: Oh!! That is a good idea!!!!

Keeper: Don’t interrupt!!!! Boss is reading!!!

Liubei: Keep quite!!!

Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.

SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s Home Actors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu

ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last. Ha ha ha ………

Wife: Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We can’t

let him in. ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue Liubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time! Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?

Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? I have

starved for several days. ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.

Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge. Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder .We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.

Liubei: I’m so surprised! I don’t know you are so ideal. ZhuGeliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?

Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new

country together with us? ZhuGeliang: But I can’t help you, I have accustom the life at present.

Liubei: If you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t

refuse. ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.

Liu: En….. Zhangfei: (Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now

such as the milk. Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?

Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first. SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s Home Actors: Wife Keeper

Aside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei Guanyu

Zhangfei have been starving for one month.

Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god . CET6 has got 600 scores. Be really to startle

the universe and move the gods.

Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh! Do not shoulder your several years

studying at a cold window; Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you. After your Master graduates, happy life will approach. Cars, house, money!

SCENE 7: Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Aside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to

establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.

Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei

Wife：Honey! ZhuGeliang：Darling!

Wife：Excellent man have a long-range ambition. You should put cause above

everything else , are sure not to miss me. ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.(Turn around) Don’t worried, never miss you!!(Run) ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty, I will never forget your favour. I should be loyal and devoted to the last. Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go!!!!!

Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank

you for your attention.

英语小品剧本 搞笑篇八：英语小品剧本

这里有四个剧本，选好了告诉梅珍哦《追星》《Little Red Riding Hood》搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》凄美感人英语爱情话剧剧本-《The Coastline of Tears》

英语小品剧本《追星》 人物：追星A, 追星B，追星C，明星，车主 旁白 经纪人 旁白：

A girl is crazy about a star called Handsome+人名. Even when she is asleep, she can dream that man. A：(打哈欠)，I need to go to bed, Im so sleepy.(打哈欠)边走边

英语小品剧本《追星》

人物：追星A, 追星B，追星C，明星，车主 旁白 经纪人

旁白：A girl is crazy about a star called Handsome+人名. Even when she is asleep, she can dream that man.

A：(打哈欠)，I need to go to bed, I’m so sleepy.(打哈欠)——边走边说 （趴在讲台上睡）

（进入梦乡）

旁白：In her dream……

(上台摆两个凳子，A做一个)

A：Oh, it’s a fine day. (假装看天) (然后突然不经意的拿起一本书翻看) 明星：(上台)：Oh, it’s a fine day. (然后坐凳子)

(A看着看着书，就不经意的往旁边看，然后再看看书，突然感觉不对劲，在意外的往旁边看，看到了自己最喜爱的那个明星，十分激动，不敢相信这是真的) A：Are you … are you that … super star?(激动地说不出话)

明星：（随意的回答） Yes, what’s wrong?

A: I’m your fan,super fan. Your photos are full of my bedroom, no, they are full of my house, including kitchen, living room, bedrooms, and… and toilet.

(激动，后面讲到厕所时，还有点不好意思)

(当明星听到厕所时，很惊讶)

明星：You are too…enthusiastic [in,θju:zi'?stik]. (有点嫌弃) A: Can you give me your signature?

(讲到签名，明星就兴奋了)

明星：Ok ,of course!

A：（大声喊）Oh ,I will have the Handsome______’s signature (突然，两个人跑过来，B把A给推开了然后两人问明星要签名)

B：Please ,please give me signature!!!!!!!

C: No, give it to me, to me!!!

(两人抢着，A一人孤零零的站在旁边，)

A: Why the result is this ?(抱头痛哭，边走边哭，然后走到睡觉的那个地方，

恢复原来的样子，还有点啜泣)

A： Er? Where is it? Oh,it’s just a dream , but ,it’s a bad dream. It’s too early, I want sleep.(又趴下去)

旁白：In her second dream, the scene is at the crossroads.

A: Look at the tall buildings, they like the …like the …I don’t have any adjrectives to describe them.

(明星上场，走在对面，也在欣赏某些东西)

A：Oh ,look at there, that man is like a star ! Oh ,Oh ,Oh ,(一次比一次激动)he is …..he is…..Handsome_______！I want his signature! But there is too much cars, What can I do? What can I do? I don’t care this any more, the signature is more important!

(正当他准备过马路时，车主做开车动作来了，将要撞A，A很害怕)

车主：Look out!

A:Don’t come here, don’t come here!(闭着眼睛) (车主迅速下台) （A突然站起来，睁开眼睛）

A：A dream .too? Oh, my god, Why do I always can’t get the signature? No, I must get it, sleep again! Yes ,sleep! But ,why do I stand here? I should lie in the bed. Whether these, I must go to bed and get the signature!(趴着又睡)

旁白：In her third dream

(明星在签名，A前面有B, C)

经纪人：One by one,Don’t be wrought-up

A: Yeah,I can get it at last. Before me ,there are only two people. （到B）

B:I love you very much. My dreamlover.

明星：Thank you

(B下，C上)

C: Oh，I meet you ,can I hug with you ?

明星：Sure.

(两人抱了一下)

（到A）

A: I can get your signature in the end! I’m so excited

(明星面目有点难受的样子，手捂着肚子)

明星：Sorry, can I go to the toilet for a moment? My stomach is hurt a lot.(难受)

A: Yes, make yourselfe at home.

(过来一会儿)

A: Handsome_______ has gone to toilet for such a long time. Is he ok? 经纪人对A说：Sorry, the girl, Handsome_____ perhaps can’tcome here to give you signature, He is too hurt. He went home.

A: Ah? Why always me ? (伤心地离开，走到睡着的地方)

（突然起身）

A :Why always me ? I only want a signature~~ ai~~ What time is it now ? (看了一下钟，表情惊讶) It’s near 8 o’clock .I can’t arrive at the

school on time! Oh no ,hurry up hurry up

Little Red Riding Hood

第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家

Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）

Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?

Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.

Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!

Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful. Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.

Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.

第二场：在路上

(一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)

Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.

Wolf：（wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)

Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma‟s．Grandma is ill. Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks.

Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞)

Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后）

Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks，how are you? Six Ducks：We‟ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?

Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma‟s．Oh, I must go, bye.

Six Ducks：Goodbye．

第三场：Grandma家

Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）

Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma‟ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it‟s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang．

Grandma： Who is it？

Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It‟s me. Little Red Riding Hood.

Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in.

Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I‟ll eat you.

Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上） 灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。

Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I‟ll sleep.

Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma．

Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？

Little Red Riding Hood：It‟s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise! Wolf：Come in， Come in.

Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears!

Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.

Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!

Wolf：I can see you pretty face.

Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.

Wolf：I can hug you.

Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands?

Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you!

Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No!

Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It‟s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.

Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where‟s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping.

Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声)

Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.

Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．

Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．

Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线)

Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three.

Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里)

Grandma： I'll thread it.

Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up!

Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.

Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!

Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don‟t shot me!

Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang!

Wolf： (应声倒下)

Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．

Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．

凄美感人英语爱情话剧剧本-The Coastline of Tears

The Coastline of Tears

by Belle Wang

一部很好4人剧本，一个凄美的爱情故事。他们在海岸线上相遇...... Cast

Angela

Brook

Charlotte

Aside

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Angela‟s diary

Summary: Two lovers are dead, but they still can not give up each other. The sad, haunted, romantic story of love will begin at the beautiful coastline of

tears….

Scene I

I usually see a boy at the coastline sitting by the beach whether it‟s a sunny or rainy day….

Angela: I‟m wondering who you are waiting for, because you are always here. Brook: I‟m waiting for a girl! She went away by the boat, and it takes a long time for here to return.

Angela: Who is she?

Brook: Her face is fading out in my heart gradually. Now, the only thing I can remember is that I used to be attached to her.

Angela: Then, who are you?

Brook: I have no idea. All I know is that “I‟m waiting-man.”

Angela: It‟s time to go. You‟d better leave here. It‟s freezing tonight.

英语小品剧本 搞笑篇九：最终用稿(7人搞笑英语版话剧剧本-三顾茅庐)

Three visits to the cottage三顾茅庐

Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors（美['dʒænɪtɚ] n. 看门人；守卫） in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.

SCENE 1: Liubei's home

Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei

Guanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic

life end? It's so terrible!

Liubei: Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb

says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper（看门人）, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?

Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his

husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.

Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse

Liubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me

and go to the mountain for dunning! （收拾家伙 挽袖子）

Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang. SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: ZhuGeliang Zhu’s Wife

ZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so sad recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know? I’ve never heart about that. And she asked me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. （拿起手

里的试卷给大家亮亮） It’s ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?

Wife: Darling!

ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded（啰

嗦的） that I can never bear her. （装作认真状）

Wife： My dear, how about your study? ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze[dəʊz](打瞌睡). I’m dizzy.

Wife： Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet-6 to get

your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here

for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Shanghai.(cry) ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn. （扔书）

Wife： Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see! ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!

Wife： Listen, can you spell apple? Desk? ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t. （不会 抓耳挠腮）

Wife： You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really

wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I

didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now,

诸葛亮——崩溃了 （捂耳朵 忙劝） ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop! 老婆——（马上变脸） I ‘m going to study hard at once.

Wife: 给书童一个手势

Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?

Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to

welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that

boss has went to study in England.

Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of

ZhuGeliang’s house. SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper

Zhangfei: Let me knock the door! Open! Open!!! （气愤 敲门 咚 咚 咚）

Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt?

(Open the door)

Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.

Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.

Liubei: En????

Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the

exam of CET-6, and he may not be come back this month.

Liubei: OK! We will wait for him here!

Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, let’s go home!

Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply

autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhu Geliang as well. Two month passed, the cold winter is

coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.

SCENE 4: ZhuGeliang’s Home Actors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu

ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last. Ha ha ha ………

Wife: Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We can’t

let him in. ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue Liubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time! （此时刘备用枪指着诸葛

亮头 幻灯片放无间道） Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?

Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me 500yuan, when you repay it for me? I

have starved for several days. （放乞丐的幻灯片）

ZhuGeliang: I owe you 500yuan? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.

Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge. Zhu: Please look(扇子指向幻灯片 幻灯片放西农地图), although having ambition , you are just a guarder. We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.

Liubei: （若有所思） I’m so surprised! I don’t know you are so smart. Zhu Geliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?

Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new

country together with us? ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.

Liu: （面露难色）En….. Zhangfei: （拉刘备到身边耳语到）(Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now such as the milk. Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ? （幻灯片

武状元苏乞儿作弊呢段）

Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.

（假答案图片）

SCENE 5: Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Aside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to

establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.

Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei

Wife：Honey! ZhuGeliang：Darling!

Wife：Excellent man have a great ambition. You should put cause above

everything else , are sure not to miss me. ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.( （转身悄悄说）) Don’t worried, never miss you!! （出门拜倒在久侯的刘备 关羽 张飞脚下） ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty ( ['mædʒɪstɪ]主公), I will never forget your favour. I must be loyal and devoted to the last.

Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go!!!!!

Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank you for your attention. （结束时放猫和老鼠的结尾）

旁白——话说刘关张桃园三结义之后四处奔波 一时间找不到工作 不得不在曹操的公司靠看

大门为生 而此时那个传说中的神秘人物诸葛卧龙先生正专心在家复习考试 因为他的老婆黄氏逼着他参加CET-6

场景一

刘备家

刘备 关羽 张飞上

关羽——大哥 咱们都饿了好几天了 这种吃糠咽菜的生活我们要过到什么时候啊 哎

刘备——二弟 这 大哥我怎么可能不难受嘛 可是常言道人在屋檐下 怎能不低头 我们现在曹

操的公司里给人家看大门 这年头工作这么难找 我们三兄弟学历又不高 好不容易能有口饭吃就很不错了 哪还有什么奢求呀

张飞 ——大哥 对了 上个月后面山头诸葛亮的老婆来问我们借走了500块钱去给她老公交

学费去了 都好久没还 我们是不是应该去要回来

关羽——是啊大哥 不然的话这样下去我们就得喝西北风了

刘备——哎 就是 我怎么这岔给忘了 走 走 走 二弟三弟随我这就上山 （收拾家伙 挽袖子） 旁白——兄弟三人就此上山

场景二

诸葛亮家诸葛亮上

诸葛亮——大叫好 我就是绝顶聪明的诸葛亮 可我最近却很是郁闷 我那个娘子非要我去参加

什么大学英语六级考试 六级考试是个什么东西 我怎么听都没听说过 还要我看这么厚的书 做这么多的题（拿起手里的金瓶梅给大家亮亮） 我以后可是要当军师的！！又不是这个专业的 干嘛还要要看这种书

老婆——相公（远处喊）诸葛亮老婆上（比较啰嗦）

诸葛亮——娘子来了 我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一样 说起话来我可受不了 快老实看书（装作认真

状）

老婆——相公 你的书背的怎么样了

诸葛亮——娘子啊 这些书看得我头昏眼花 光想打瞌睡

老婆——哎 相公呀 你有所不知 你看 现在外面竞争这么激烈 你要是不好好考六级 将来拿

个硕士文凭 以后找不到工作可怎么办呀 我们在这个小村子里都呆了小半辈子了 你看我连稍微大一点的城市 像铁岭都没去过

诸葛亮——娘子 你看老公我这么有才华 以后还愁找不到工作么 这些书太简单了 统统不用

看 （扔书）

老婆——哼 ！！你说简单 那我考考你

诸葛亮——怎么 还要考我 舌战群儒我都不怕 小小考试焉能难道我（对观众说）

老婆——我要考你听写（诸葛亮郁闷状） 听着 apple怎么写 desk怎么写

诸葛亮——（不会 抓耳挠腮）

老婆——相公啊 你连这都不会 可怎么办呀 哎呀 我错了 我真的错了 我从一开始就不应该

嫁过来 如果我不嫁过来 就不会流落到这么一个伤心的地方 我好后悔呀

诸葛亮——崩溃了 （捂耳朵 忙劝）

诸葛亮——娘子莫哭 娘子莫哭 相公好好看书就是

老婆——（马上变脸） 这还差不多 你知道么 为了供你读书 咱们家已经欠了外面一屁股债 连

看大门的我都借过 如果这些人上门来逼债我可怎么办呀

诸葛亮——娘子 你说看大门的 ？ 莫非就是呢个看大门的刘备 （抓胡子 兴奋 点头）

英语小品剧本 搞笑篇十：大学生搞笑小品剧本

小品剧本《晚会前夕》

地点：某男生宿舍

人物：学生四人

老大：哎呀，哎呀，哎呀。。。。。。又是一个白天过去了。。

老三：上课一排全睡，魔兽如痴如醉，dota不知疲惫，短信发到欠费，抽烟搓麻全会，白酒

两瓶不醉，逃课成群结队，大学生活万岁！

老二：我着急啊我，不怕名花有主，只怕不敢松土。如果有一天我变成流氓，请告诉别人，

我纯真过……

老大：人活着真累，站着知想睡，上车得排队，吃饭没香味，上课特疲惫，咳！发个短信还

得收费！哥们，让一下，你挡着我的手机信号了。(坐下）哎，还是宿舍而舒服啊。

老三：大哥，今天肚子里馋虫出来了，咱们要不要改善一下伙食啊？

老二：精神失常的疯子不可怕，可怕的是精神正常的疯子，刚吃了一份蛋炒饼，不要鸡蛋！

服务员楞住了：不要鸡蛋，不就是素炒饼吗？

老三：嗯。。老。。老大，他欺负我。

老大：行了，别闹了，烦不烦啊。

老二：哎，大哥，就那事儿，你能保证老四就肯帮咱们嘛！！

老大：如果医生能保证治好病人的病，世界上就不会有死人了！

老三：那可如何是好？再说老四已经帮过咱们这么多次了，怪只怪咱不争气，要是……

老大：老三多虑了。我又不是和白开水长大的，看我的！

老四上

老四：我最大的梦想就是变成一只蜗牛，一出生就有一套属于自己的房间住！可是理想很丰

满，现实却很骨感。生，容易；生活，不容易啊！！

当当当，进门

老四：吆喝，老大老二老三，你们都在啊！

老大：老四回来啦

老四：嗯，刚去了一趟学院楼，找了点东西。（坐下整理东西）

这时老四在看书，三人商量着谁上去跟老四说

老大：哎哟---老四这么认真啊，不愧是我们宿舍的好榜样-------人品好、学习棒、做事不马

虎，对不对？

老二：对对对！那绝对是我们宿舍一杆旗！

老三：对，那绝对是骗人的

老大：对……嗯，去，捣什么乱，就拿做事什么的来说吧，没老四绝对不行！别人都说了：

美国有比尔盖茨，我们宿舍有老四

老二：唉，是不是有点过了！

老大：去！

老四：行啦行，一进来就给我带高帽子，今天怎么回来这么早？你那个什么多少届全体室员

代表大会多少次舍长常务会议暨扩大会议开完啦？

老大：刚刚闭幕！

老四：又有什么新的指示？

老二：昨晚深夜秘密接到短信，说清考时间就安排在4月六号，还不到一星期，我们几个都

快疯了，老四，你看看我们都这样了。。。。

老四：4月6号？？？（沉思状）

老二：四哥，四哥……

老四：好么，这么一会儿就成哥了啊，现在都傻了吧，早干嘛去了，以前是谁啊，一个劲嫌我烦。

老大：老二，怎么那么没骨气，丢人，（拽开老三），不要太过分了，老四，有事情好商量，不要影响了宿舍和谐，（摩拳擦掌）三人一起

老四：你。。。你们要干嘛？

老大：要干嘛？？哼哼。。。马上（一把攥在老四的手），四哥，以前小弟不懂事，我知道错了，为了表达我真挚的诚意，我决定为您唱首歌。

老二：大哥，不要啊。。。。。。

老三：危险。。。。。。

老大：我愿意为你，我愿意为你，我愿意为你。。。。。。

（老二，老三作呕吐状）5

老四：（心脏病突发作，踉跄地道老大身边）大哥，看宿舍四年情意的份上，您饶了我吧，人家唱歌要钱，您唱歌要命啊，我答应了还不成吗？

老大：（回头冲老三老二）搞定，服吗？

老二：大哥，佩服，您这招太卑鄙，不，太厉害了，偶像啊（做呕吐状）

老三：同。。同。。同。。

老二：同意（对老三）

老三：理。。。解万岁。（击掌）

老大：这次要依仗四哥你了，我们兄弟几个感激不尽，您对我们的大恩大德，我们没齿难忘，对您的敬仰如滔滔江水连绵不绝。。。。。。

老四：行了，行了，没玩没了了。说，要我帮忙做什么事啊？

老二：你说学校也真是的，清考也不早通知，别说准备了，连心里准备都没有。

老三：是。。是。。是啊。有点儿。。。不厚道

老大：说这些还有啥用啊，清考可咋整啊，我还有4科呢！！！

老二：我还有5科

老三：我还有6科，

三人齐：苍天啊，大地啊，那位神仙大姐来帮帮我们啊。5天我们准保考不过啊。

老大：考不过我就毕不了业啊，

老三：毕不了业，我就找不到工作啊，

老二：找不到哦我就没钱，没钱我就。。。（哭丧着脸）四哥。。。。。。老二发现老四在偷笑 老二：大哥，老四有问题他在嘲笑我们

老大：老四，不带这样的啊，你不能幸灾乐祸啊

老三：对，有。。。有点。。不厚道 这时老四笑的更疯了

老二：老大，他是不是疯了，咱还能指望他吗？

老三：有。。。有点，难度。 老大：他笑的好诡异，我怎么感觉有什么阴谋啊

老二，三：恩恩。。。。有问题。

老四：别的我就不多说了，今天什么日子你们自己看，别怪我没提醒你们啊。。。

三人齐：什么日子啊，4月1号啥日子啊？愚人节！！！ 老大：诶呀！！我靠，聪明一世糊涂一时啊！！ 老二：天啊，我一世英明尽毁于此（跪倒，捶胸顿足）

老三：（拉起老二）别。。别这样，你啥时候英明过啊？

老二：（想了想，安慰状）还真没有啊！！！

老四：哥几个节哀顺变，上当了是好事儿啊！至少你们知道形式紧迫啦，现在好好准备还来得及，这件事，要真是，真的，你们岂不是死的很难看啊！

老大：可即使是这样，还是没底啊！（老二，三。同意状）

老四：现在还不算太晚，你们好好看书，没有什么一定不行的，这是各个科目的清考答疑时间，好好看，看自己那几科，到时候不要忘了啊1(三人欣喜)

老大：（接过来）微积分，电磁场 老二：信号，单片机 老大：（激动）老二，老三，我看见希望了。 老二：恩人啊。。。。。。 老三：恩人啊。。。。。。

老大：（想了一会儿）亲人啊。。。。 老四：等会儿，那今天的水谁打啊？

三人齐：老四！！！！！！ 老四：MY GOD!!!!!!一群白眼狼！！（转身离去）

老大：（拉住老四）老四我们错了。没有你谁来提醒我们打扫卫生 老三：对啊，没钱的时候找谁借钱啊 老二：挂科的时候也没人替我补课啦 老三：忘了吃饭的时候谁来帮我们吃啊。。。。。。带盒饭啊 老二：就是，没有你谁来提醒我约会啊 老三：没有你早上谁来叫我们起床啊 老二：没有你谁半夜来安慰我啊 三人齐：啊？？？ 老二：受伤的心灵。。。。 老大（唱）没有你的世界寸步难行）记得又一次半夜我胃疼叫你两谁也不动只有老四醒了，给我倒水吃药那晚我们两都失眠了。 老二：你快回来，我们的生活不能没有你。 老四：还记得我们刚来的时候吗？ 老大：刚来的时候，我们背着大包小包来到了这间宿舍。 老三：是我第一个轻轻推开咱们宿舍的大门。 老二：是啊。老三，我还记得我问的第一句是：你的家乡是哪儿？第二句话是厕所在哪儿？ 老四：当时，我来的时候大家还不是很熟，就是咱们老大为不打破这尴尬的局面（自豪）很可以的放了一个屁（愧疚丢人） 老二：我还记得那个时候老三还亲切的说。 老三：听这口音不像本地人啊！ （羞）（痛快的笑）老大：那个时候我们谈家乡，谈高考，有理想，有抱负，血气方刚，有什么都想搀和热情是那样的高..。。。。。 老三：是啊，最怀念的是那段日子 老二：时间为什么就过得那么快啊？ 老大：就到了毕业的日子，不知

道毕业后的日子会怎么样？ 老四：毕业了以后，就不能像现在一样在一起打打闹闹了 老二：毕业了以后，就不能像现在一样在一起说说笑笑了 老三：毕业了以后，就不能像现在一样在一起侃天侃地了 老大：但是毕业了以后，有一样东西是变不了，那就是我们的兄弟情谊，你们永远是我们的好兄弟！！！1 齐声点头：嗯！！！！！！

老四：睡在我上铺的兄弟，无声无息的你，你曾经问我的那些问题，如今再没人问起， 音乐起，《睡在我上铺的兄弟》

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