英文搞笑剧本

导读：　英文搞笑剧本篇一：搞笑英语话剧剧本 ...

本文是中国招生考试网（www.chinazhaokao.com）成考报名频道为大家整理的《英文搞笑剧本》，供大家学习参考。

英文搞笑剧本篇一：搞笑英语话剧剧本

搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿

旁白

道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。

第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .

Birds are dancing in the cold .

A man is walking along the street ,step by step .

Wind is coming in silence.

Another mysterious man approaches .

Y与X相遇．

X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !

Y:, Never mind baby.

X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?

Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?

X:Iamximenchuixue.

Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?

X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!

Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!

X:No, I must kill you !

Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!

X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?

Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!

X:Pardon!

(Y拿出一袋牛奶)

X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?

Y:please drink it!

X喝完牛奶:Thanks,

Y:Do you still want to kill me ?

X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.

Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?

X:I’m sure I won’t!

Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!

X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !

Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit

（一人路过，x起身跑过去）

X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .

Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

X:Thanks,byebye.

Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)

Y:Who are you?

H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?

Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .

H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !

Y:You are right !

H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my

king,he will give what you want.

Y:Yes,It’s very good.

H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!

第二幕：无间道

H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.

K:sit down plese, yegucheng.

Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?

King:yes,I will.

Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?

K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……

Y:of course.

美女出场

M:hello，帅锅..

K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.

H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter

what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?

Y: Yes,I do.

K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）

X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!

K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?

Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.

X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!

Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!

X:Forgive you? Why ?

Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell

you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!

X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”! Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)

X:milk?I love you.

K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !

X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)

K:Fuck you. I must kill you!

X:How can you kill me? haha……

Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)

M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑

到西门吹雪身边）

Y :do you want to go to wc?

X:Yes,I……I…… do.

Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.

M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !

K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?

M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue. K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?

Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.

M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and

tomorrow is a good beginning !

K:what a moving story ! I was impressed ! Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !

M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !

(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)

Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)

（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）

M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .

X:go home ! ?

M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.

X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.

M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,

M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !

英文搞笑剧本篇二：搞笑英语话剧剧本

英文搞笑剧本篇三：搞笑英文多人剧本

Posts Tagged 搞笑剧本

《正义必胜》英语话剧剧本

5人短剧。搞笑的匪徒,搞笑的绑架案，不错的剧本。

人物

Bunny Cheng: Bunny Chen

Eliza Lin: Daughter

Celine Tu: Reporter et Aside

Sano Hsieh: Small gangster(小流氓)

Trent Cheng: Big gangster(大流氓)

——————————————————————————–

SCENE I

A mother is doing exercise in the living room when the phone is ringing. And her daughter is in the school now.

Mom: Hello~

Caller: (A boy is crying.) Ha! Your kid is here. Do you hear his voice? If you want to save your kid, prepare the ransom.

Mom: Are you crazy? I don’t have a son!!! Don’t try to cheat me. Stupid guy! The mother is very angry and hung up the phone. But later… the phone is ringing again… Mom: Hello~

Caller: Hello~ Are you busy now?

Mom: (I recognize the voice.) You are a fraud, right? Do you want to trick me again? Is it fun? Don’t do such a boring thing, O.K.? I won’t believe you.

Caller: Really? Listen to this.(A girl is crying on the phone, ‖mom, help me~ help me~) Mom: Oh~ you are a good actor. This time is better but I still won’t fall into your trap to rob me of my money! If you call again, I will call the cop. Do you understand? (Hang up the phone more angrier.)

But the voice sounds like her daughter’s and the mom is not disturbed. She decides to go to the elementary school to see her daughter. The mom got there…

Mom: Eliza~

Eliza: Mom~ why you are here? Are you missing me? Do you come here to pick me up?

Mom: Ya~ are you happy in the school? Let’s go home. I want to tell you something on the way home.

Mom tells Eliza about the phone scam and wants her to be careful from now on.

SCENE II

Because the mother didn’t believe the two gangsters really kidnapped her kid, the gangsters were furious. So they decided to kidnap her daughter this time.

The gangsters have found the school her daughter studies in, and observed for many days. Today is the day they plan to kidnap the child.

The big gangster always focuses on what he’s doing but the small gangster is usually absent-minded.

Big gangster: Hey! Concentrate!! (The big gangster hit the small gangster’s head) Small gangster: Ouch! O.K. O.K.

At this moment, the girl appears.

Small gangster: (Check the picture.) Hey!! Buddy!! Look! Is that her?

Big gangster: Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s hunting time.

Small gangster: I’m so excited!! Oh~ what a beautiful girl. Just like a fairy. My sweetheart… Buddy do you know? I feel that I get butterflies in my stomach!

Big gangster: (Hitting the small gangster’s head again.) Hey! Wake up!! Stop day-dreaming. Let’s make a move!

Small gangster: Oh~ my baby~ I’m coming!!

Big gangster: Hey!! Lady!! Can you do me a favor?

Eliza: Sure! What can I do for you?

Small gangster: (Murmuring) This beautiful lady has a beautiful heart.

Big gangster: Sorry. Ignore what he said.

Eliza: Never mind!

Big gangster: Thanks! I want to go to Tunghai University. Do you know how can I get there? Eliza: Oh… you should go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

Big gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, turn right and we will see a supermarket at the end of the street. And…

Eliza: No! No! No! Go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

Small gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, then turn left and go straight to the end of the street, then we can see the university.

Eliza: Oh, my! No! Wrong again! You two are really a stupid guy.

Big gangster: It’s too complex. I can’t remember all the directions. I’m a foreigner. And I have an important presentation there. Could you go with us, guide us there? Please~

Eliza was confused. But she is a kind person and she likes to help people.

Eliza: Umm… let me think… okay!! Let’s go!

Small gangster: How kind of you!! My little girl.

Big gangster: Sorry. Just ignore him. Thank for your help.

Eliza goes with the gangsters.

In the gangsters’ car, the small gangster suddenly shows a sharp knife. And shouts, ―Don’t move!‖ Eliza is shocked and starts screaming.

Eliza: What are you doing?

Small gangster: I’m kidnapping you!

Eliza: Oh~ I am so scared.

Small gangster: (Talk to the big gangster.) Did you hear that, she is scared?

Big gangster: Ya~ we are professional.

Eliza: Not funny! I’m hungry. I want to go home! I want to go home! Small gangster: Shut up. Don’t be so noisy!

Eliza keeps crying.

Small gangster: You! Get out of the car!

Big gangster: (Hit the small gangster angrily!) Idiot! I have a stupid partner. (Disappointed) Eliza: I agree! (Nod head.)

Big gangster: Don’t cry baby, I give you a lollipop.

Eliza: Thank you. How kind of you.

SCENE III

Mother is preparing dinner.

Mom: Eliza! Eliza! Time for dinner! I’m hungry! Hurry up!

No one answers her. And she realizes there is something wrong.

Mom: Eliza, where are you? Don’t play hide and seek w

ith me! It’s not funny. I’m hungry.

As the mother is finding her daughter, the phone rings.

Mom: Hello~ this is Anderson. I’m busy finding my daughter. Don’t bother me!

Big gangster: Are you finding your daughter? Ha! Ha! Ha… she is right here.

Mom: Good job! Tell her it’s time for dinner. I’m hungry!

Big gangster: Hey! You are clueless. I have already kidnapped your daughter, Eliza Anderson!

Mom: Hey! Buddy! Don’t trick me!

Big gangster: Sure! Listen! (The gangster takes the phone to Eliza.)

Eliza: Hello! Mom! I’m here! They are so kind. They gave me a lollipop. The gangster takes the phone away.

Big gangster: Do you believe me now? If you want your daughter to come back for dinner. You have to prepare the ransom of NT $ 20,000,000.

Mom: Too expensive! 20% off.

Big gangster: Are you buying clothes?

Mom: Bargain is my hobby.

Big gangster: No negotiation you should bring the ransom to Tunghai Lake at 8:00 pm. And remember don’t call the cop. Or you will find your daughter in the lake.

Mom: O.K. See you then!

At Tunghai Lake. The gangsters and Eliza are baking fish from the lake because they are hungry. At this time, the mother is coming.

Mom: Ha! (Mom shouts.)

The gangsters and Eliza are shocked. And the small gangster’s fish is falling down on the floor. Small gangster: Oh,! My fish! Who’s there?

Mom: It’s me, Bunny Anderson, Eliza’s mother, Anderson’s wife. Where is my daughter? Release my daughter.

Eliza: Hi! Mom, I’m here. Do you want to come here to eat fish?

Big gangster: Where is the ransom?

Mom: Release my daughter first!

Big gangster: Give me the ransom first!

Mom: No way!

And the battle begins.

Mom: Justice is always the winner.

Eliza: Oh~ Yeah! Mom, you win!

Celine: Ha! I got it! I got it! A new…… headline.

Celine: I am at Tunghai Lake. Earlier, there was a violent fighting. A watermelon knife V.S. A B.B.Q. fork. According to the witnesses, a mother fought with the gangsters for her daughter. And the mother won. Now, let’s interview the persons involved. Celine: Do you feel regretful? Do you feel sorry to this society?

Small gangster: I……

Celine: I…… I know. You are very sorry and regretful. How about you? (Turn to the big gangster.)

Big gangster: None of your business. (Run to the wall.) Leave me alone.

Eliza: Me! Me!

Celine: What do you want to say?

Eliza: Uh…My mom is so cool. She came to save me!

Mom: My turn. My turn.

Celine: O.K. O.K. What do you want to say after winning the fight?

Mom: Well……

Celine: Well, you are very happy and proud of yourself to be the winner in the battle. Mom: Yes. And the gangsters…

Celine: Oh, the gangsters are very stupid and silly.

Mom: Right. And they…

Celine: They want to trick you, but…

Mom: But… enough. I’m hungry. I want to go home with my daughter.

Celine: Next time, if you receive a phone call from a scam artist, here are the things you can do to avoid being tricked. First, stay clam and be skeptical about it. The caller hopes to fool you with a moving story, causing you to forget your good judgment. A little doubt can protect you. Second, verify the story. Call the organization to make sure the story is true. Third, report it to the police. And don’t deal with the villains on your own. One phone call will often expose a trap quickly. However, to tell the truth, the mother is really very brave. She is my idol. I want to keep her sign. This is reporter Celine reporting from Tunghia Lake for TVAS.

《出租车司机》英语话剧剧本

一天出租车司机Tommy遇到了很多奇怪的事情。烦人的女孩、孕妇、抢匪、不管事的警察，甚至还遇到了鬼。。。

Cast

Erin Chang: Robber

Debby Tsai: Police officer

Serrin Lee: Betel nut girl

Alec Zhao: Ghost student

Leo Lee: Taxi driver

Yi-ling Chen: Pregnant woman

—————————————————————————

Summary

This story talks about a poor taxi driver, Tommy, who meets many strange things in one day. First, he carries a Betel Nut Girl who wants to harass him. Second, a pregnant woman makes him feel nervous. Third, he carries a robber and meets a police officer who only manages traffic. At last, he carries a ghost student.

Tommy: Hello, my name is Tommy. Serving you is my honor. Where would you like to go?

Betel nut girl: Hi! Tommy. I’m going to Chong-Shan North Road, please.

Tommy: Ok, Chong-Shan North Road, no problem. Um? I remember there’s only a Chong-Shan East Road. Miss, are you sure you’re going to Chong-Shan North Road?

Betel nut girl: Um, I’m not sure. You just drive. Maybe I will remember where it is later.

Betel nut girl: How old are you? Are you married? You’re probably not married since you’re so young. Do you have a girlfriend?

Tommy: Um…miss, we are almost at Chong-Shan East Road. Do you want to have a look?

Betel nut girl: Oh! Not here. By the way, don’t you feel tired after driving all day long? Maybe I can help you relax.

Tommy: What…what do you want to do? Take your hands off me or I’ll scream! Betel nut girl: I did nothing! You just missed a nice chance. Stop the car, I want to get off. Tommy: (Relived) Great! The total is 155 dollars, Thank you.

Betel nut girl: Um! Take it!

Pregnant woman: Hey! Taxi!

Pregnant woman: Thanks. You are real a very kind man.

Tommy: Where are you going?

Pregnant woman: Hospital, please.

Tommy: You’re going to the prenatal checkup, right? It must be very tiring carrying a baby.

Pregnant woman: Yeah. It’s almost nine months.

Tommy: Woo. Congratulations.

Pregnant woman: Thank you.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Are you ok?

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Is it time now? Are you going to deliver your baby now? I will drive as fast as I can. Stay down.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: We’re almost there.

英文搞笑剧本篇四：搞笑英语话剧剧本.1doc

搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sword

搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》

旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.

Action I

太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）

太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三：Yes.

Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）

荆轲

Are you Li mochou?

李莫愁

Yes.

荆轲

OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.

李莫愁

Are you challenging me?

荆轲

Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意

莫愁

Come on!

音乐起

两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。” 李莫愁倒地

荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢

一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. 轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荆柯：Sure!

太子丹：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?

太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：

To be or not to be, that's a question.

阿三：Hero，we need your help.

荆柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.

荆柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?

荆柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.

阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .

太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.

荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗„„

荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you. 太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!

Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）

荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.

阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.

（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose

在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.

妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you. 荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.

妻子:"I promise."

荆轲:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。） 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，

荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never„„ Never„„ 妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.

英文搞笑剧本篇五：孔雀东南飞--英语搞笑短剧剧本

焦仲卿johnny(j for short)

刘兰芝lunch(l for short)

焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)

刘母lunch’s mother(lm for short)

太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)

强盗burglars(a b and c)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)

j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my wife is wusong.

译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。 (指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!

译：我才不怕你呢！

(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood. she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i do not care. i only want her to be tenderer than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)

my god! who can help me?(下)

译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？

act1 第一幕

(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)

jm(拄拐棍上):i can!

(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?

l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?

jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.

l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly. you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy……

l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!

l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……

jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!

l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)

act2

(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)

l: mum, i’m back!

lm: you are back?why? what happened?

l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.

lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. look at yourself……

l: but, mum……

lm: never interrupt me!

l: mum, i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.

lm(大喜): nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market. he said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)

l(惊愕): what? the mayor’s son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3

(j睡眼惺忪上)

j(边走边道): lunch! lunch! where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty! (突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh, i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. i have to cook for my mother and myself.

jm(上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet?

j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless. lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!

j(立正敬礼): yes madam!

act4

(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

a: hey you! stop and listen to us!

the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

c: if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)

ab&c: give us all your money!

j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

a: what bad luck! this guy is broken!

b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!

c: i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month. we can go and rob the wedding!

a&b: good idea!

j(惊讶): what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!

ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!

j: but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意) i’ve got an idea! you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you. you take the money and i take the bride.

b: have you got any experience?

j: no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(j和三强盗跃至台中)

abc&j: hey you! stop and listen to us!

a: the road is built by me!

b: and i planted one tree.

c: if you want to go by this street---

j: give us all your money!

(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)

l(惊喜万分): johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)

(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒) j(火冒三丈): how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）

(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)

(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you? l(哭状): i hurt a lot!

j: don’t cry baby. i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

英文搞笑剧本篇六：英语搞笑剧本

Once upon a time there was a baby eagle living in a nest perched on a cliff overlooking a beautiful valley with waterfalls and streams, trees and lots of little animals, scurrying about enjoying their lives.

很久以前，在一个峭壁上有一个鹰巢，里面住着一只小鹰。峭壁下是一个美丽的河谷，小溪流淌，瀑布飞泻，绿树婆娑，各种小动物四处奔跑，无忧无虑。

The baby eagle liked the nest. It was the only world he had ever known. It was warm and comfortable, had a great view, and even better, he had all the food and love and attention that a great mother eagle could provide. Many times each day the mother would swoop down from the sky and land in the nest and feed the baby eagle delicious morsels of food. She was like a god to him, he had no idea where she came from or how she worked her magic.

小鹰很喜欢这个巢，自出生以来这个巢就是它所有的天地。这个窝温暖舒适、环境怡人。而最重要的是，在巢里，它可以得到母亲给予的一切食物、关怀和爱心。每天好几次，母亲都会从高空飞下来，一口一口地喂它可口的食物。在它眼里，母亲就像神一样，它不知道母亲从哪里来，到底懂些什么魔法。

The baby eagle was hungry all the time, but the mother eagle would always come just in time with the food and love and attention he craved. The baby eagle grew strong. His vision grew very sharp. He felt good all the time.

小鹰老是想吃东西，母亲每次总能及时赶到，给它送来它渴求的一切食物，关怀和爱心。小鹰茁壮成长，它的眼光变得越来越锐利。这一切都让小鹰感觉很惬意。

Until one day, the mother stopped coming to the nest.

直到有一天，母亲再也不来巢窝了。

The baby eagle was hungry. "I'm sure to die," said the baby eagle, all the time.

小鹰感到非常饥饿，“这回我死定了。”它老是这样想。

"Very soon, death is coming," he cried, with tears streaming down his face. Over and over. But there was no one there to hear him.

“死神很快就要降临了，”它哀号着，泪流满面。它不停地哭着，但就是没人来答理它。

Then one day the mother eagle appeared at the top of the mountain cliff, with a big bowl of delicious food and she looked down at her baby. The baby looked up at the mother and cried "Why did you abandon me? I'm going to die any minute. How could you do this to me?"

直到一天，鹰妈妈又出现在悬崖上，带来了一大碗可口的食物。她看着自己的小宝贝，小鹰抬头看着妈妈，哭着道：“你为什么要抛弃我呀？我快要死了，你怎么可以这样对我啊？”

The mother said, "Here is some very tasty and nourishing food, all you have to do is come get it."

妈妈说：“我这儿有一些又可口又有营养的食物，要吃呢，你就自己来拿！”

"Come get it!" said the baby, with much anger. "How?"

“自己来拿？”小鹰很气愤地说，“叫我怎么拿啊？”

The mother flew away. 妈妈飞走了。

The baby cried and cried and cried. 小鹰又继续不停地哭啊，哭。

A few days later, "I'm going to end it all," he said. "I give up. It is time for me to die."

几天后，小鹰说：“死就死，我放弃了，我的死期已到。”

He didn't know his mother was nearby. She swooped down to the nest with his last meal.

它不知道母亲就在附近。她俯冲而下，给小鹰带来它最后的饭餐。

"Eat this, it's your last meal," she said.

“把这个吃了，这是你最后的饭餐。”她说。

The baby cried, but he ate and whined and whined about what a bad mother she was.

小鹰哭了，它边吃边埋怨母亲不是一个称职的好妈妈。

"You're a terrible mother," he said. Then she pushed him out of the nest.

“你真是一个很糟糕的妈妈。”待它说完，母亲把它推下了巢。

He fell. 它很快往下掉。

Head first. 头朝下。

Picked up speed. 下跌的速度加快了。

Faster and faster. 越来越快。

He screamed. "I'm dying I'm dying," he cried. He picked up more speed.

它尖叫着，“我要死了，我要死了！”它下坠得更快了。

He looked up at his mother. "How could you do this to me?"

它抬头看着妈妈，“你怎么可以这样对我呢？”

He looked down. 它朝下看了一下。

The ground rushed closer, faster and faster. He could visualize his own death so clearly, coming so soon, and cried and whined and complained. "This isn't fair!" he screamed.

眼看着地面离自己越来越近了，它可以清晰地预见到自己的死亡，它叫喊着、抱怨着，“这太不公平了！”

Something strange happens. 奇怪的事情发生了。

The air caught behind his arms and they snapped away from his body, with a feeling unlike anything he had ever experienced. He looked down and saw the sky. He wasn't moving towards the ground anymore, his eyes were pointed up at the sun.

空气托起了它的翅膀，翅膀随之啪地打开了，这种感觉是它从未体验过的。它朝下看，看到了天空。它已经不再往下跌了，它的眼睛正对着太阳。

"Huh?" he said. "What is going on here!"

“咦？”它说，“这是怎么回事呢？”

"You're flying," his mother said.

“你在飞呢！”鹰妈妈说。

"This is fun!" laughed the baby eagle, as he soared and dived and swooped.

英文搞笑剧本篇七：英语搞笑短剧剧本[1]

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头

T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

S: Bajie,map!

E: (摸出，递给S)

S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So. S: Fat Pig!

E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….

S: You will what(凶相)?

E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

S: Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..

T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

S: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?

J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

T: Bomb?(打出)

B1: Double King!

T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1: （倒)Ah……

T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)

S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)

B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)

S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2) E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)

S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!

S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!

T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》

J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

T: Don't mention that guy any more!

B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

T: （惊）You are......

B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)

B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

T: Wukong?

E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

J: Our hero is back!

T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you! T: How,how did you find out?

S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)

T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)

S: What?

T: I'm sorry.

S: Em? Louder,please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）

(谢幕)

《孔雀东南飞》

Wanderseveryfivemiles

焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)

太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy

wifeisWuSong.

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!

(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?

MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,

smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender

thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!

(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?

JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland

dearestmother-in-law”.

L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?

JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken

and……

JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour

son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’mback!

LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?

L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon

marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten

tome.Lookatyourself……

L:But,mum……

L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And

I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.

LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo

andtellhim.(下)

L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!

(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now

shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.

JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?

J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice

girl,goandtakeherback!

J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4

(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):Is1maoenough?

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!

B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!

C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand

robthewedding!

A&B:Goodidea!

J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!

AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!

J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!

(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo

withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.

B:Haveyougotanyexperience?

J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!

B:AndIplantedonetree.

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---

J:Giveusallyourmoney!

(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）

(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?

L(哭状):Ihurtalot!

J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)

L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)

(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

Big words of western tour （大话西游）

Chapter 1

Site：The wedding

Characters:牛魔王 、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖

Aside: The story begins with a wedding. The Bull King is going to have a concubine.

牛：Today is my wedding. I am going to have a concubine. Ha ha ha „„.

妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?

牛：Oh! She is not lovely anymore. She’s right now at the Flame Mountain. She can do nothing about it!

(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)

牛：Let me introduce my brother to you! My bro!

Come here! This is my brother.

(牛深情地转向紫霞)

英文搞笑剧本篇八：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

Beat it!

人物：T:唐僧 陈鹏 M:孙悟空 陈中良 P:猪八戒 李涛 S:沙僧 魏涛 X:白骨精原型 李鹏程 X1:白骨精变成的男人

X2:白骨精变成的女人 刘佳佳 Q:女儿国王后 徐静静

T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful. where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is?

众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)

T:bajie? Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

T：bajie! Give the fucking……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)

T:(很吃惊) hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》?

八戒依旧看书，不理睬。

T:(凑过去)let me have a look at it!

八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，T一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

T：yao….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)

T:（转身训斥八戒）how many times I have told you! You are not supposed to read this kind of book! I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)

P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…

(唐僧摆出一个酷酷的动作，一边跳舞，一边开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous) ………

P:I know

T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse. (声音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一边掏出手机，回头看到八戒在身边) hey！pig, get out of here !give me some private space!

唐僧开始给Q打电话

T:hi..how you’re doing(不解释….)

Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call

T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back! Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…

M:who you are phoning,boss?

T:er (支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda. where is my food? M:here! I found some delicious bananas!

T:bananas again?! How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey! I want meat, meat(加重语气)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but

eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)

（T拿起手机）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you

Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…

唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..

白骨精上场

X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan. Ehn…..get it! i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change……

转了几圈，变成了一个男人。

X1:I look great!

蹒跚的走过去

X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some?

T(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard! Pig,beat him,get him out of here.

M正好回来 将它打死.

T：er…..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death….. Next time don’t do this kind of thing(摇头但继续吃，看书)

M: whatever, all right(懒得解释)

（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）

Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to

have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)

T：wukong！come back！（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)

X:（看到画册）ah…..I got a idea!

变成了一个女的

说话一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone.这时，x2开口说话）

X2:hi….Mr handsome!

T:（转头）wow…hi beauty!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。 i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny

X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?! Let us go!

(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)

M:Monster!!look at how I beat you….

（唐僧赶忙拦住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you

T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..

（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）

T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(摆姿势，要念咒语) M：（赶忙说）oh,no, master,not that spell.

Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒，喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼红太郎，别看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)

T安慰x2之后，继续走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha…..look at who I am （变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）

.X2：i will eat you….

Q及时赶来，从悟空那里得知了情况

Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....

（转向T）you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?（不可思议的） T：no, I am not！(有口莫辩)

Q（面向x）：who are you?

X:I am baigujing….and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（举起魔杖，要说阿瓦达索命，突然停住）Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai?

X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.

Q:why do not contact me?

X:I do not know your number…..

this is your man?!

Q:how could it be possible(走过来，把唐僧拨拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白

英文搞笑剧本篇九：英语搞笑短剧剧本

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

S: Bajie,map!

E: (摸出，递给S)

S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.

S: Fat Pig!

E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will………. S: You will what(凶相)?

E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

S: Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away….. T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

S: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?

J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

T: Bomb?(打出)

B1: Double King!

T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1: （倒)Ah……

T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

S: She is a monster!

T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)

S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆) B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡) S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)

E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊) S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives! S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster! T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》

J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

T: Don't mention that guy any more!

B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

T: （惊）You are......

B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)

B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

T: Wukong?

E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

J: Our hero is back!

T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!

T: How,how did you find out?

S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)

T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声) S: What?

T: I'm sorry.

S: Em? Louder,please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏） (谢幕)

英文搞笑剧本篇十：超级搞笑灰姑娘英语剧本

序幕

准备好3个座椅供继母和两个女儿。

中间座椅前准备好洗衣盆和脏衣服。

左边座椅上准备好碗勺。

右边座椅上准备好针线和衣服。

( 背景音乐：1)

旁白 :Long ago, there lived a girl. The poor girl had to work day and night. She must sleep in the kitchen. She wearied dirty clothes. All of them called her cinders for Cinderella.

Her mother had died and her father(旁白停顿，父亲出场并向观众致意，飞吻等) he had married again, but he was happy all the time, His new wife (旁白停顿，继母出场并向观众致意，摆酷，扭动前行等) sexy, but cruel‟; he had two daughters(旁白停顿，两个姐姐出场并向观众致意等). They are as bad as their mother.

父亲出场后就座中间椅子上。（摆酷，显示自己在家庭中的地位极高）

继母怀抱宠物狗上场最后向灰姑娘父亲方向前行，即将到达时父亲赶紧起身卑微地跑前迎接并搀扶，待继母就坐后捶背、捶腿，进一步显示其家庭地位低。 两个女儿出场并向观众致意后前行到自己座椅处默默洗碗、做针线活（不情愿的，动作笨拙）。

旁白：However, we‟ll show you a different play today.(换背景音乐2) She is so strong, and smart. Especially she is good at sport.

Now, she is running for the 100 meter race.(灰姑娘冲刺)

剧务给灰姑娘传球。

Now, she is playing basketball. (灰姑娘以一敌众,轻松灌篮)

Now, she is practicing Chinese gongfu(灰姑娘打拳,对手倒（对手，被击打后退）)

This is her----Cinderella

灰姑娘(怒,看旁白) :Do you finish?

旁白 : (结巴)O…Ok,con…continue, even she is perfect, she still can‟t escape the poor life, Why? That is-----（ 此时音乐关掉，无背景音乐）

继母(怒): Hey! You! , wash clothes!

灰姑娘匆忙跑来：yes, Mom I do it right now.

一姐将盆碗碰得乱响: you!, wash dishes. Quickly, Quickly,

灰姑娘匆忙跑来：yes, ok!

此时二姐手持针线缝衣,刺手,尖叫:ah, my finger! I don‟t do this any more. ! You do it! (将衣服扔向灰姑娘)

灰姑娘(悲腔):Oh,I am very tired everyday! Maybe I am the poorest girl in the world. Mom loves that dog than me.

(举牌的同时父亲退场)

第一幕

布置三把椅子

灰姑娘在帮后母按摩肩膀，一姐在写作业，二姐做针线。

侍卫敲门送传单

侍卫：Good afternoon, this is the notice, here you are.

二姐 :Mom, Mom, Look! Good news.

继母:what‟s it?

二姐（兴奋的）:The King is going to have a party. The Prince will look for a wife. 一姐(托腮) :I must be chosen, I am the most beautiful girl in the world. 二姐(凭空跳舞) :No, Not you. I have the charming shape, I am the Queen. (两姐争吵起来,继母从女儿手中拿过传单,亲吻传单)

继母 : Stop! Both of you !（继母站起上前分开争吵的两个女儿） Make up yourself now! We don‟t have enough time!(瞪灰姑娘)Cinderella, what are you doing? Come to help your sisters!

灰姑娘 :OK, I will. But, mom, mom, Can I go with you------

(三人敛神，诧异互视,哈哈耻笑灰姑娘)

继母：you! (注意重语气)Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly !Go away! （推倒灰姑娘，灰姑娘不情愿地跑向拖把处继续干家务）

一姐（发愁的，偷瞄灰姑娘,哭） :Oh, my God! I forgot Kathy‟s homework. She gave us a lot of homework. I can‟t finish what should I do?

二姐(拿书,指,附和) :Oh, Yes, Yes. Look, exercise A, exercise B------(偷瞄灰姑娘,哭)Oh, my God! Oh, my party! My Prince! My happiness!

灰姑娘(慌乱,安慰) :My sisters, don't cry! I always do the homework for you, of course tonight!

继母：my daughters, are you ready?

一姐/二姐:ok, Let‟s go!

（背景音乐3） (三人离开，灰姑娘望着院里的背影双手捂脸哭泣)

灰姑娘 :Dear my friends, I want to go, what shall I do?

第二幕

（继续播放背景音乐3）

洗衣盆，打扫卫生工具。准备好魔盒。

灰姑娘在洗衣服，打扫卫生。

(仙女骑着一把几乎掉光了的扫把登场) 旁白 :Oh, 哈里波特!

(仙女撞到灰姑娘) （此时关掉背景音乐3。）

灰姑娘(怒) :Who are you ?

仙女(得意) :I am the best witch, and the most beautiful witch. I can give you all the things you wish.

灰姑娘 : Really? Do you know King‟s party? I want to go, but------(低头看自己的破衣服)

仙女(大笑) :Don‟t worry. It is easy for me! Look, clothes, shoes, car----- 衣服出现时用手帕变魔术，变衣服出来，需要准备好魔盒。

灰姑娘(面露欣喜,扑向鞋子) :Oh, how beautiful glass shoes!

仙女 :Put it on, and go ! 灰姑娘准备穿好裙子。

第三幕(改动较多，请仔细阅读)

国王就座

准备好水晶鞋提前放于场内

（当各演员到位后就播放背景音乐4 ）

((富丽堂皇的大厅里,音乐飘扬, (严肃)但是士兵在跳disco

国王(严肃) : quietly!（背景音乐停止）

侍卫(击杖) :Welcome the Prince.

(大家鼓掌,欢呼) 王子出场，侍卫恭请。

国王：Today I will choose a beautiful, slim, humorous girl for my son----(转身,指向王子), strong, tall, and brave!

侍卫(击杖) :Welcome the ladies!

众女士（包括两姐及无角色人员） :How lively! How handsome! (做陶醉状,冲向前,将王子团团围住)

（播放背景音乐5）

(两姐妹分别邀请王子跳舞，两姐妹：May I ask you for a dance?王子和她们两个分别跳了，但是跳一遍吐一次)

(播放背景音乐6，灰姑娘上场)

(兴奋的旋转着，环顾四周):wow beautiful! Amazing! Wonderful!

王子从人缝中看见灰姑娘,一边说着一边奋力冲向灰姑娘：how beautiful a girl, my dreaming girl.

灰姑娘与王子两人四目凝视，（全场肃静，此时关掉背景音乐6）灰姑娘既害羞又激动状。

王子真诚邀请灰姑娘跳舞：would you like to dance with me, beautiful girl? 灰姑娘:it is my pleasure.

二人翩翩起舞….

国王表情由吃惊转为惊喜，大笑一声同时高喊，music, go!（（播放背景音乐7-西班牙斗牛士》）

(王子与灰姑娘共舞,突然手机铃声响起（电话由仙女打来），一直响到王子与灰姑娘摆完造型后。停止音乐 7)

王子 :Who‟s phone?

灰姑娘 :Oh, it‟s my phone!(掏手机接电话) This is Cinderella speaking! 仙女 :It‟s 12‟clock, game will be over, come back quickly! Or you‟ll change back!(开始敲钟)

灰姑娘 :Oh, I must go!(慌忙中跑掉了一只鞋)

王子(捡起鞋,追) :Wait! Wait!Your name, your phone number!

王子(注视姑娘远去,悲情) :I‟ve lost her!

第四幕

准备好三个座椅

继母怀抱宠物狗就座。

灰姑娘换回衣服继续打扫卫生,两个姐姐在默声打扑克。

音乐：（播放背景音乐8，不要太大声）旁白 : Since the party, Prince fall in love with Cinderella, the Prince decided to look for the mysterious girl.-（在说这段的同时，王子最好能表演一下悲伤，思念的情绪，比如说拿着灰姑娘拉下的鞋子叹气）He issued a notice, “Whoever the glass shoe fits, shall be wife to the Prince!”

(王子带着士兵到处找人试鞋)

旁白 :Later, the Prince come to Cinderella „s home.

（此时关掉背景音乐）

士兵敲门(抬手敲门口中发出咚咚声)：is anybody here?

一姐（:开门动作并模拟发出开门声）Oh, here, my god! The Prince is coming, he is so handsome! He is so cool!

士兵们进门(拿着鞋) :Please try the glass shoe.

(两姐妹正抢): Oh, it is my shoe! ------Oh, it is my shoe!

(士兵夺过鞋,递给大姐): You first!(大姐拿过鞋,却怎么也穿不进去)

士兵 : Stop doing that. Your foot is too long, you will break the shoe!

二姐(得意) :I said, it is my shoe.(抢过鞋,试穿,费了九牛二虎之力终于穿上,走开来)

二姐 : too small!(甩掉鞋,蹲下揉脚,鞋飞到灰姑娘身上)

(灰姑娘拿着鞋仔细端详)beautiful shoes

继母朝灰姑娘(怒吼) : Why are you here? Back to kitchen! Wash the dishes! 灰姑娘：Yes mom.

王子： Wait! Every girl must try! You(王子指向灰姑娘), please.

继母 : She is very dirty! It couldn‟t be hers!

(灰姑娘默默轻松的穿上了鞋)

王子(欢呼) :Oh, it fits you very well! I found you! (王子和灰姑娘拥在一起,抱着旋转起来退场) （此时播放背景音乐8.5）

结束画面：灰姑娘的爸爸上场，对着镜头无奈地哭泣着：wait , wait !I am

Cinderella‟s father, why not let me take part in the interesting party,55555(做捶胸嚎啕大哭状，最好坐地上蹬腿)

灰姑娘和王子上场搀扶起父亲：dear my father, don‟t grieve, we love you for ever!（父亲变为抽泣）

旁白 :The Prince was happy to find her, and on a bright sunny day, he and Cinderella were married. They lived happily ever after! （此时播放背景音乐9，但是声音不要盖过演员的说话）

大家依次上场排好队（二排），准备谢幕！

领队起头说：learning with METHOD

大家一起：（声音洪亮，整齐清晰）

Learning with METHOD

We will be the best!

Oh yeah!

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