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英语短剧 搞笑

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导读: 英语短剧 搞笑篇一:搞笑四人英语短剧 ...

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英语短剧 搞笑篇一:搞笑四人英语短剧

Bobo: Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to today’s “If you are the one”.

Do you want a husband? Do you want a superman? Qk , follow me.

Let’s welcome the three girls.

Come on, babies!

Let us start the first part, “show yourself”

Elaine: Hello, everyone. I want a husband. Actually, I really want a husband.

I want a rich husband. He must have houses and luxuries cars.

I prefer to cry in the BMW rather than laugh in the bike.

If you are rich enough, baby is not the problem.

Bobo: Wo……what do you really want, husband or ……..Mr. money?

Anyway, welcome the next one.

Wendy: Good evening. I’m Wendy. The lover in my dream…en……he must understand me totally.

He must have a white horse. I just want a warm family.

In this place, I wish I could find my true prince.

Rosemary: Good evening. I’m Rosemary. You see, I’m beautiful, right? Tell you a secret, do you

want to know, oh……really? I had just few boyfriends before, just 37. Now, I’m

single, who wants to be the 38?

Bobo: Now, the most important figure will come in. let’s welcome the male guest: Tom. Tom: I don’t believe your program can go on without me. I’m the only male in this place.

I want to tell you, the first girl. I’m rich. Look, these are all my keys. This-BMW, this-Hummer, and this-the house near the sea…cards , this -

Bobo: oh..oh…that’s enough, I want to marry you too..

Tom: Please forgive me. Wendy, I must tell you. In fact, I’m a prince.

What’s more, I have a horse, but it’s black.

Don’t worry, if you agree to marry me, I will pain it into white.

As to the third girl, you, out!

Rosemary: why, why, why?

Tom: No reason. Just out!!!!.

Rosemary: I hate you, bad guy!!!

B: Next is question and answer. Are you ready?

Elaine: me, me!

Bobo: ok, I’ll give you the chance.

Elaine: Do you drop hair?

Tom: How do you know that? Actually, I do.

Elaine: I can help you. You know, I am selling ………

Tom: oh…you are a very kind girl. Can we talk about some details about this?

Elaine: Of course. Why not? By the way, let’s talk about the price. The lowest I can offer is…… Bobo: Hey, you guys, wake up. This is the not ad time, ok?,

Wendy: Please, I’m here too.

Tom: oh….sorry. To show my greatest apologies, my beautiful lady, what can I do for you? Wendy: Can you perform a play for me?

Tom: It’s my honor. I’ll sing a song for you.

………….

Bobo: interesting program, charming man.

Then I will give a chance to you. You can ask one personal question to one female gust. Tom: Wendy, have you remembered Xia Yuhe near the Daming river?

Wendy: who is she, Er kang’s mother in law?

Tom: Wendy, you are so smart.

Bobo: Till now, I think you have made a decision. Tom, hold the girl’s hand if you choose her.

Tom: oh……..my beautiful lady. I’m so sorry. Can I say something to you, Wendy?

Wendy: Sure.

Tom: em…..em………my dear, I love you when a first sight. I know that seems unbelievable. But please trust me. And I will give you the happiest life in the world.

Almost as soon as I entered the house, I singled you out as the companion of my future life. My attentions have been too marked to be mistaken. Almost as soon as I entered the house, I singled you out as the companion of my future life. And now nothing remains for me but to assure you in the most animated language of the violence of my affections. I’ll protect you forever. ( proposal )

Wendy: Yes, I do.

Bobo: So touching. At last, who wants to be Mary’s 38? If you like, call her. Her number is

3838438.Thank you for watching the show, see you next week, bye bye.

And please remember, I’m single too.

英语短剧 搞笑篇二:英语三人短剧__搞笑

顾客:小心,你的大拇指在我汤里了

服务员:别担心,先生,不是很烫!

A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!

B: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!

一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排,大拇指在牛肉上。

“你疯了吗?”顾客喊到,“你的手在我的牛排上!”

“什么?”服务员说,“你想让它再掉地上?”

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

A:Are you crazy?( yelled the customer ),with your hand on my steak? (What answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the floor again? 服务员:茶或咖啡?先生。

第一个顾客:我要茶

第二个顾客:我也是茶——杯子要干净的!

服务员:两杯茶,哪个要干净的杯子?

B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen?

A:I'll have tea.

C:(2nd customer:) Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!

(Waiter exits returns)

B:(Waiter:) Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?

创新句子:我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。

服务员,这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么?

看起来象是在仰泳,

A:Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?

Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...

服务员,汤里有只苍蝇!

别担心,先生,面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。

A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!

B:Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.

服务员,我汤里有只苍蝇!

不是,先生,那是蟑螂,苍蝇在你牛排里。

A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!

C:No sir that's a cockroach the fly is on your steak.

服务员,汤里有只苍蝇!

别让别人看见,先生,要不别人都要。

A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!

B:Keep it down sir or they'll all be wanting one.

服务员,汤里有只苍蝇!

我知道,先生,我们没有另收钱。

A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!

C:Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!

服务员,汤里有只苍蝇!

对不起,先生,我弄走那三个时忘了这个。

A:Waiter there is a fly in my soup!

B:Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three. 服务员,汤里有只死苍蝇!

是的,先生,是开水杀死了它们。

A:Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup!

C:Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them.

话剧前半部分是荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

(Introduction): Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹(上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状):

Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音:It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! (面对观众) I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三:Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~

(作杀状)太子:Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!(二十一世纪最需要的是什么,人才!这句话要跟观众交流,最好由观众来回答,然后拍阿三肩膀,做赞许状) Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

阿三:After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子:Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三:Yes.Action II(《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐)荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me? 荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状:What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don\'t need any reason to win a person. Don\'t we? Do we? (赢一个人需要理由

么,不需要么,需要么?)李莫愁:Momma always said: \"Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you\'re gonna get.\" I got it, Momma is right.

荆轲再次大笑太子丹上(抱拳):How are you?

荆柯:Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹:Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荆柯:Sure!太子丹:How are you?

羊肉串和纳税人(英文小品)

Characters:

Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao

Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s.

Act I

(in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s)

Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine.

Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, )

Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax!

Dabao: (change faces)

Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi.

Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X!

Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you?

Taxi----! Taxi----!

Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor?

Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet.

Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours. Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.)

How do you know it?

Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours.

Dabao: It’s a big bug!

Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan!

Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok? Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones.

Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter.

7Yuan, my lovely beauty.

Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ? Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt.

(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left)

Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place.

Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go!

Act II

Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you. Let’s enjoy it!

(In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS")

Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine.

Xiaofu: Hi,

Dabao: Hi.

Two: What a familiar face.

Two: It’s you!

Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector.

Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan.

How is your business?

Dabao: Everything is OK!

10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before.

Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me. Xiaofu: Great! Have you„„

Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single.

Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month?

Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month.

Xioafu: Your receipt, please.

Dabao: (shows the receipt )

Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer. Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are.

Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country.

Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing!

Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more.

Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century!

Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era! X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye.

D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you?

Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband?

Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok? Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves)

Dabao, See you tomorrow.

Dabao: Hope to see you everyday.

The End

英语短剧 搞笑篇三:英语搞笑短剧剧本[1]

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物:T唐僧S:孙悟空 E:猪八戒

J:沙僧

B:白骨精(何平) B1:B变成的村姑 B2:B变成的太婆B3:B变化成的老头

T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

S: Bajie,map!

E: (摸出,递给S)

S: Look,boss (凑近T)………(T、S一齐转向E)

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So. S: Fat Pig!

E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….

S: You will what(凶相)?

E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

S: Hm!

T:(轻咳)Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..

T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

S: No problem!(安装)(B已躲在一旁偷看)

J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

S: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

B1: (接近三人,望着)Can I join you?

J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

T: Bomb?(打出)

B1: Double King!

T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

S: (回来,看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1: (倒)Ah……

T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲,走音离谱)

S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

T: (呛住,咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)

B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑,B2想看后面是什么,T挡)

S: (咬牙切齿)You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后,S打,不想打到T头,T晕,S再打死B2) E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)

S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

T: (想阻止,未及)You,you.....(险些晕,E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!

S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!

T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

S: (悲,离去)(音乐,营造 “假”悲伤气氛)《人鬼情未了》

J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

T: Don't mention that guy any more!

B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

T: (惊)You are......

B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗,被击退)

B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

S: (悄悄走到B后,打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

T: Wukong?

E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

J: Our hero is back!

T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you! T: How,how did you find out?

S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)

T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)

S: What?

T: I'm sorry.

S: Em? Louder,please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)(音乐响)《敢问路在何方》(这个放伴奏)

(谢幕)

《孔雀东南飞》

Wanderseveryfivemiles

焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)

太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy

wifeisWuSong.

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!

(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?

MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,

smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender

thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!

(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?

JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland

dearestmother-in-law”.

L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?

JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken

and……

JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour

son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’mback!

LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?

L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon

marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten

tome.Lookatyourself……

L:But,mum……

L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And

I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.

LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo

andtellhim.(下)

L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!

(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now

shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.

JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?

J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice

girl,goandtakeherback!

J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4

(J开心地走着,忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头,但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋,掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?

(三强盗晕倒状,接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!

B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!

C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand

robthewedding!

A&B:Goodidea!

J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!

AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!

J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!

(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo

withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.

B:Haveyougotanyexperience?

J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票,上书$1,000,000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期.MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上,J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!

B:AndIplantedonetree.

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---

J:Giveusallyourmoney!

(L听到J的声音,掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒,挥拳向J打来.J矮身一躲,MS打中了J身后的L,L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!(挥拳向MS冲去)

(J与MS混战,JM上,以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L,关切地问):Honey,howareyou?

L(哭状):Ihurtalot!

J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)

L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)

(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

Big words of western tour (大话西游)

Chapter 1

Site:The wedding

Characters:牛魔王 、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖

Aside: The story begins with a wedding. The Bull King is going to have a concubine.

牛:Today is my wedding. I am going to have a concubine. Ha ha ha „„.

妖:Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?

牛:Oh! She is not lovely anymore. She’s right now at the Flame Mountain. She can do nothing about it!

(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)

牛:Let me introduce my brother to you! My bro!

Come here! This is my brother.

(牛深情地转向紫霞)

英语短剧 搞笑篇四:新白娘子英文搞笑短剧

The tale of the white snake

(音乐,幻化人形)

Long long ago, there was a white snake who was saved by a human boy. Then after 1800 years, she came to the human world with her sister xiaoqing to find her benefactor to return the favor. So snake white and snake green became into human beings through magic power. They came to the earthly paradise ------ Hang Zhou, to get an encounter with her benefactor.

第一幕:断桥上

(音乐:前世今生cut 版)

青:“Sister, is this the world of human being? How beautiful! ” 白:“Be careful, follow me!”

(闪电,下雨音乐伴奏)

青:“What a heavy rain!”

白:“Don’t worry, we have an umbrella.” (白素贞撑起一把破伞) 许仙上场,白素贞与许仙相遇…… (音乐前世今生cut版) 许:“Oh, my god! How beautiful!”

白:“So handsome …Mr.,your clothes is wet, now I have an umbrella, let us share one.”

许:“Oh, thank you, lovely girl. How fine the weather is! Would you like to have a walk with me? ”

白:“Ok, let’s go.”

青:“Sister, sister, let’s go together.”

白:“Don’t you see I’m busy? Go away!” (小白用力的推开了小青) 小青伤心地跑开了。。。 (跑的姿势要有笑点)

许:“What’s your name?”

白:“Su Zhen”

许:“I never saw a girl more beautiful than you, your beauty makes the sky falling down tears, when I saw you, I don’t know what to say… ” 白:“Mr. you can just say what you want to say.”

许:“Could you marry me?”

白:“Yes,I do, Xian gong!”

许:Xiaobai~

(音乐 今天你要嫁给我cut版)

二人离去

第二幕: 法海收服白素贞

旁白: From then on , snake white ,snake green and XuXian lived a happy life, they often chew the fat ,and burned the candle at both ends .until suddenly one day ,miss green heard that the monk Fahai would come. 白素贞望向窗外皱眉,掐算的手势,小青走过来。。

(音乐 掐算)

青:“Sister, what are you doing here?”

白:“. I’m thinking about our future. I forecast that fahai have come here,our happy life will end soon”

青:“Don’t think like that, we will be safe and sound. Oh ,look, the scenery is beautiful „„”

(音乐 得意法海)

法海出现 (身披床单,一手手拿晾衣杆,一手拿圆形饭盒)

法海:“Evil snake! Today, I’ll subdue you! Snake white, you have no chance

to escape!” (法海举起了饭盒)

小白小青做惊恐状,然后对视一笑,作鄙视的手势(哼哼哼~~)

法海看着饭盒说道“too small?”然后换脸盆说道“ha-ha,this is big enough!”

小白小青做惊恐状,定了定神说

青:Buddhist monk,get out here , otherwise,I’ll let you die ugly. 法海:evil snake,let me give you some color to see see!

(法海向前伸出脸盆隔空打伤了小青,小青作负伤状,一手扶着桌子半蹲着)

白去扶小青说道:“xiaoqing,are you ok? Keep back, don’t come any closer!

青:sister!

小白做出准备打架的姿势,此时许仙入场,看到此景

许仙:oh darling,what happened?

法海:Your wife is evil spirit! Let me tame her!

许仙一手推开白娘子,白娘子啊一声,被推到一旁(要演的有笑点)许仙挡在白娘子面前

许仙:You are a liar. She is my wife! I won’t let you hurt her!

法海:how stupid!Look, I will tame her now.

(法海举起脸盆收小白,小白渐渐被法海吸走,小白和许仙拉著彼此的手难舍难分) 放背景乐my heart will go on

许仙:Come on; just give me your hand.

小白:guan ren,I love you forever, don’t forget me….

许仙:niang zi, no! don’t leave me alone! I won’t let you go!!

两人的手还是分开了,小白被法海吸出门外,然后法海进门,拿着脸盆,从脸盆中拿出白纸条笑道

法海:Ha-ha, snake white, you will spend your left time under the leifeng tower!

许仙披上斗篷(床单)开启作战状态

许仙:no!Give my wife back!!!

法海:哼!stupid human!no way!

许仙与法海展开了搏斗(放背景乐男儿当自强(黄飞鸿主题音乐 音乐版)两人抖床单,来回打太极推来推去三回合许仙败(要演的有笑点 配合着音乐))然后法海拿好脸盆走向许仙

法海:阿弥陀佛,color is empty, empty is color. (色即是空 空即是色)Young man, forget it and you can start a new life!

(法海拂袖扬长而去)

第三幕 断桥相逢

旁白:After snake white was tamed by faihai, xuxian was mad and crazy; he went to west lake everyday, hope to meet his wife on the duan bridge. Finally his behavior move the guanyin bodishavva, and guanyin forgive the Snake white.

(音乐 神秘园)

许仙失神游走着说道:niangzi, where are you?

路人甲和路人乙走过,许仙拉着他们问:did you see my wife? Did you see my wife?

路人甲:no(摇头)

路人乙:Don’t answer him; he must be mad

路人甲和路人乙扬长而去,许仙失神继续游走着寻找小白,此刻天突然下起了雨(一个人撒碎纸屑)(放音乐 神秘园)

许仙抬头看着天空说道 oh it rains..

突然一把破雨伞出现在头顶 小白来了(放音乐 一只金钗续前缘) 许仙:niangzi,I miss you so much….

小白:guanren。。。So do I. let’s enjoy the rain。。。(小白手指远方 两人一同看向远方)

大家一起登场齐唱:

Waiting 1000 years

1000 years for a chance

Waiting 1000 years

I have no regret

Who said this to me

That love me forever

Only for your words

A~I won’t regret that

Rain’s heart broke

Wind is crying

Sweet love seems to fall

West Lake likes my tear I would like to be fire with you

A~ waiting 1000 years

1000 years for a chance

Waiting 1000 years

I have no regret

Waiting 1000 years

1000 years for a chance

Waiting 1000 years…

英语短剧 搞笑篇五:英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

Beat it!

人物:T:唐僧 陈鹏 M:孙悟空 陈中良 P:猪八戒 李涛 S:沙僧 魏涛 X:白骨精原型 李鹏程 X1:白骨精变成的男人

X2:白骨精变成的女人 刘佳佳 Q:女儿国王后 徐静静

T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful. where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is?

众徒弟们摇头,除了八戒在看书。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回头,懒洋洋的问)

T:bajie? Give the map to me!(严肃的问)

T:bajie! Give the fucking……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)

T:(很吃惊) hey!bajie,you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》?

八戒依旧看书,不理睬。

T:(凑过去)let me have a look at it!

八戒才注意,赶忙藏书。但为时已晚,T一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火,眼神立刻变得温柔,接过书开始看

T:yao….xi…..(流口水,八戒看到,拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦,唐僧回过神来)

T:(转身训斥八戒)how many times I have told you! You are not supposed to read this kind of book! I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)

P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…

T:(sigh),how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…

(唐僧摆出一个酷酷的动作,一边跳舞,一边开始唱歌,Jackson的dangeous) ………

P:I know

T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse. (声音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的,一边掏出手机,回头看到八戒在身边) hey!pig, get out of here !give me some private space!

唐僧开始给Q打电话

T:hi..how you’re doing(不解释….)

Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call

T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back! Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…

M:who you are phoning,boss?

T:er (支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda. where is my food? M:here! I found some delicious bananas!

T:bananas again?! How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey! I want meat, meat(加重语气)!don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but

eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒,流口水)

(T拿起手机)

T:I will call you later,honey,I miss you

Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…

唐僧拿着香蕉,从衣服里掏出画册,做到一边边吃边看,边擦嘴…..

白骨精上场

X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan. Ehn…..get it! i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change……

转了几圈,变成了一个男人。

X1:I look great!

蹒跚的走过去

X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some?

T(瞄一眼,继续吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard! Pig,beat him,get him out of here.

M正好回来 将它打死.

T:er…..悟空,I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death….. Next time don’t do this kind of thing(摇头但继续吃,看书)

M: whatever, all right(懒得解释)

(悟空看到美女画册,急忙凑上去看,师傅把画册上下左右移动,悟空随之移动,师傅发现了,开始说:)

Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to

have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪,逃离此地)

T:wukong!come back!(唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)

X:(看到画册)ah…..I got a idea!

变成了一个女的

说话一定要嗲

X2:(曼妙的走过来,碰一下唐僧,唐僧不转头:leave me alone.x2有碰一下,唐僧依然不转头:I said leave me alone.这时,x2开口说话)

X2:hi….Mr handsome!

T:(转头)wow…hi beauty!(扔掉画册,背景音乐响起,only you,神情对视,过会儿)come here,do you want some food?take some bananes。 i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny

X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?! Let us go!

(半路碰到悟空,悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)

M:Monster!!look at how I beat you….

(唐僧赶忙拦住)

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you

T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..

(悟空执意要打,唐僧苦劝不听)

T:I think you little monkey need some punishment(摆姿势,要念咒语) M:(赶忙说)oh,no, master,not that spell.

Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒,喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼红太郎,别看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)

T安慰x2之后,继续走,一段路之后:

X2:hahaha…..look at who I am (变回原样,唐僧大喊救命)

.X2:i will eat you….

Q及时赶来,从悟空那里得知了情况

Q:monster!...stop!he is my man....

(转向T)you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?(不可思议的) T:no, I am not!(有口莫辩)

Q(面向x):who are you?

X:I am baigujing….and you?

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you(举起魔杖,要说阿瓦达索命,突然停住)Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai?

X:you are小小? it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.

Q:why do not contact me?

X:I do not know your number…..

this is your man?!

Q:how could it be possible(走过来,把唐僧拨拉到一旁)..i miss you,小白

英语短剧 搞笑篇六:英语搞笑短剧剧本

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物:T唐僧S:孙悟空 E:猪八戒

J:沙僧

B:白骨精(何平) B1:B变成的村姑 B2:B变成的太婆B3:B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

S: Bajie,map!

E: (摸出,递给S)

S: Look,boss (凑近T)………(T、S一齐转向E)

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.

S: Fat Pig!

E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will………. S: You will what(凶相)?

E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

S: Hm!

T:(轻咳)Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away….. T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

S: No problem!(安装)(B已躲在一旁偷看)

J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

S: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

B1: (接近三人,望着)Can I join you?

J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

T: Bomb?(打出)

B1: Double King!

T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

S: (回来,看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1: (倒)Ah……

T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

S: She is a monster!

T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲,走音离谱)

S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

T: (呛住,咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆) B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑,B2想看后面是什么,T挡) S: (咬牙切齿)You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后,S打,不想打到T头,T晕,S再打死B2)

E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊) S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

T: (想阻止,未及)You,you.....(险些晕,E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives! S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster! T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

S: (悲,离去)(音乐,营造 “假”悲伤气氛)《人鬼情未了》

J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

T: Don't mention that guy any more!

B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

T: (惊)You are......

B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗,被击退)

B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

S: (悄悄走到B后,打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

T: Wukong?

E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

J: Our hero is back!

T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!

T: How,how did you find out?

S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)

T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声) S: What?

T: I'm sorry.

S: Em? Louder,please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)(音乐响)《敢问路在何方》(这个放伴奏) (谢幕)

英语短剧 搞笑篇七:孔雀东南飞--英语搞笑短剧剧本

焦仲卿johnny(j for short)

刘兰芝lunch(l for short)

焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)

刘母lunch’s mother(lm for short)

太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)

强盗burglars(a b and c)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)

j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my wife is wusong.

译:人人都说我怕老婆,实际上我是老虎,(小声)我妻子是武松。 (指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!

译:我才不怕你呢!

(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood. she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i do not care. i only want her to be tenderer than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

译:谁怕谁啊!在邻里中,我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些,但是她却不懂温柔!有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)

my god! who can help me?(下)

译:我的天!谁来救救我啊?

act1 第一幕

(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)

jm(拄拐棍上):i can!

(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?

l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ,mum?

jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.

l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly. you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy……

l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!

l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……

jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!

l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)

act2

(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)

l: mum, i’m back!

lm: you are back?why? what happened?

l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.

lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. look at yourself……

l: but, mum……

lm: never interrupt me!

l: mum, i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.

lm(大喜): nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market. he said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)

l(惊愕): what? the mayor’s son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3

(j睡眼惺忪上)

j(边走边道): lunch! lunch! where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty! (突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh, i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. i have to cook for my mother and myself.

jm(上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet?

j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless. lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!

j(立正敬礼): yes madam!

act4

(j开心地走着,忽然跳出来三个强盗)

a: hey you! stop and listen to us!

the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

c: if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头,但踩到了a的脚)

ab&c: give us all your money!

j(搜遍了每一个口袋,掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?

(三强盗晕倒状,接着三人聚在一边商量)

a: what bad luck! this guy is broken!

b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!

c: i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month. we can go and rob the wedding!

a&b: good idea!

j(惊讶): what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!

ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!

j: but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意) i’ve got an idea! you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you. you take the money and i take the bride.

b: have you got any experience?

j: no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票,上书$1,000,000) act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期.ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上,j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(j和三强盗跃至台中)

abc&j: hey you! stop and listen to us!

a: the road is built by me!

b: and i planted one tree.

c: if you want to go by this street---

j: give us all your money!

(l听到j的声音,掀起了盖头)

l(惊喜万分): johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)

(ms大怒,挥拳向j打来.j矮身一躲,ms打中了j身后的l,l晕倒) j(火冒三丈): how dare you beat my wife!(挥拳向ms冲去)

(j与ms混战,jm上,以拐杖击晕ms)

(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) j(扶起l,关切地问):honey, how are you? l(哭状): i hurt a lot!

j: don’t cry baby. i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

英语短剧 搞笑篇八:英文搞笑短剧

(Introduction): Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹(上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状):

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