英语笑话100篇精选

导读：　英语笑话100篇　　下面是www chinazhaokao com中国招生考试网小编整理的英语笑话100篇，供大家参考!　　1、 " There was a blonde th ...

英语笑话100篇

　　下面是www.chinazhaokao.com中国招生考试网小编整理的英语笑话100篇，供大家参考!

　　1、 " There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......"

　　2、 " There is this guy and this girl and they want to have sex. So they go to the girls house and before entering the girl stops the guy and says.

　　""My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say `baloney` it means push harder, and when I say `pastrami` it means push slower.""

　　......"

　　3、 1.What the fuck is going on?(到底他妈的怎么回事?)

　　通常此话出于黑人之口，且口气最宜为疑惑，不解，愤怒等等。

　　若是白人则多数时候会说-What the hell is going on?

　　意义相同而适用于更多场合。

　　说此话之人身份通常为上级，且相处较久。

　　不过如果你出差回家时看见老婆身边躺着个赤条条的陌生人，那它可就派上大用场了!

　　2.You son of bitch! (你个狗娘养的!)

　　令人意外的是，最爱说这句话的往往是女性。

　　......

　　4、 " There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little

　　girl asked the boy, ""What is a penis?""

　　The boy replied, ""I don`t know."" At that time he hears his mom　英语笑话100篇

　　calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he

　　......"

　　5、 "Doctor, I have an ear ache.

　　2000 B.C. - ""Here, eat this root.""

　　1000 B.C. - ""That root is heathen, say this prayer.""

　　1850 A.D. - ""That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.""

　　1940 A.D. - ""That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.""

　　1985 A.D. - ""That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.""

　　......"

　　6、 " There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little

　　girl asked the boy, ""What is a penis?""

　　The boy replied, ""I don`t know."" At that time he hears his mom

　　calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he

　　......"

　　7、 "There is this guy and this girl and they want to have sex. So they go to the girls house and before entering the girl stops the guy and says.

　　""My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say `baloney` it means push harder, and when I say `pastrami` it means push slower.""

　　......"

　　8、 " A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

　　Bartender: ""Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can`t make a face while doing it. SECOND, there`s a `gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there`s a woman up-stairs who`s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.

　　......"　英语笑话100篇

　　9、 "when i was a freshman in our university,one day,our new teacher want us to say sth about yourself then ,a student standed up, and said ""i come from shandong ,and i want to learn more when im in university,and hope good ,good study ,day ,day up.then our teacher&n......"

　　10、 "your funny story was too overdue. i used to hear about it when i was just a middle school student. have you ever heard about this sentence: "" we brother who and who""?"

　　11、 What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home

　　12、 "What is the thinnest book in the world? ""What men know about women."""

　　13、 "苦命的 salesman An insect repellent salesman tried to sell his product to a farmer. He said he wasn""t interested because he hadn""t seen any bugs or insects on his farm for years. The salesman indicated he had a wife and four kids and really needed the money. The......"

　　14、 "运动世家 A German, Englishman and American are traveling on a train. They get bored and start telling each other about their families. The German says I have 4 kids, one more and they""ll make a basketball team. The Englishman says huh!Thats nothing, I have 10 boys,&nbs......"

　　15、 "FLOWERS It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture. OR You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die."

　　16、 "Revealing Gift Test Which gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you""d most like to receive."

　　17、 "A SWEET POEM It means that... You""re a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. OR You""re used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the w......"

　　18、 "A married couple on the farm are visited by an alien couple. The alien couple asked the human couple if they would like to swap partners for sex.

　　They agree, the human woman and alien man are together. She says, ""You have a small penis!""

　　The alien man replies, ""pull my ears!""

　　......A man enters a barber shop for a shave.

　　While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.

　　""I have just the thing,"" says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. ""Just place this between your cheek and gum.""

　　......"

　　19、 "A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. ""Screw me or climb the ladder to success,"" she said.

　　......"

　　20、 "同学是某偏远地区的，英语发音一直不标准，老师英文也是发不准，所以学生更是一口地道的土腔英语。

　　话说同学的妹妹刚上初一，学英语的积极性狂高，每天早晨天不亮就开始朗读单词，这天像往常一样，继续拼命的读，他爹就蹲在窗户底下抽烟袋。小妹妹念“hands(音:汉子),hands”，“two hands(偷汉子)。他爹听完就止不住的皱眉，一大早就听见闺女要偷汉子，心想怪不得听说外国人开放， 书上都这么写。小妹妹继续读“hands，hands，two hands(偷汉子)”。

　　......"

　　21、 话说有一名英文不太好的男子，竟然泡上一名洋妞。

　　一天，情到浓时，该男子用不太好的英文对洋妞女友说:『I Love You!』

　　洋女听见大喜，说:『I Love You，too;

　　那名男子不明所以，竟说:『I Love You，three.....!

　　22、 "高中的时候

　　很多学校都有各种各样的模拟考

　　有一个人

　　他的英语很烂很烂

　　一次英文模拟考

　　作文题目是“ADog”

　　结果那个人就这样写——　英语笑话100篇

　　One day I see a dog.

　　I said""Hi!""

　　Dog said""Hi!""

　　I said""Can you speak Chinese?""

　　Dog said""Yes!""

　　I said""So,let""s speak Chinese!""

　　Dog said""O.K.""

　　......"

　　23、 "有一天,一个印地安小孩问他爸爸说:""dad,我的名字怎么来的?""父亲

　　回答说:""我们族人命名都是以小孩子刚出生时,父亲看到的第一见事物来命名的""像你哥哥,他刚出生时,我一出门就见到了青山,所以他叫Blue-mountain像你姊姊,她刚出生时,我一出门就见到鸟在飞,所以他叫Bird-flying.这就是我们族人命名的方式.

　　父亲顿了一下,然後回过头说:""对了,Dog-fucking,你刚刚问我什么问题?"""

　　24、 "One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.

　　有个女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪………

　　Girl: Father, I have sinned.

　　女孩：神父，我有罪。

　　Preacher: What did you do, little girl?

　　神父：孩子，你犯了什麽罪呢?

　　Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a ""son of a Bitch.""

　　女孩：昨天，我骂了某个男人一句：「你这个狗娘养的9

　　......"

　　25、 "有一个男的十分爱他的女朋友 于是就把他女朋友的名字""WENDY"" 刻在他的""那话儿""上,于是当""那话 儿""缩小时只看到缩写""WY"",有一次他和他的女朋友到夏威 夷去玩,他在上厕所时看到隔壁那 个外国人的""那话儿""也有""WY""字 样,于是很兴奋的问那个外国人: ""你的女朋有也叫""WENDY""吗? 外国人回答说:""NO,NO,我刻的是: ""WELCOME TO HAWAI AND ENJOY YOUR HOLODAY"""

　　26、 There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch(西瓜地)at night and eat his watermelons.

　　After some careful thought he comes up with a clever idea that he thinks will scare the kids away for sure. So he makes up a sign and posts it in the field.

　　......

　　27、 "Can you explain to me what the difference is between a high-pitched and low-pitched voice?

　　""A high-pitched voice is when my father scolds me;a low-pitched voice is when my father speaks with his boss."""

　　28、 A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite.(www.SiandiAn.com 闪点情话网)

　　......

　　29、 "A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

　　She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

　　......"

　　30、 "A man enters a restaurant, takes a seat, and, instead of using the napkin, takes the table cloth from the table and tucks it around his neck.

　　The head waiter sees it and tells the waiter to go and tell him, in a diplomatic way, that what he did was incorrect.

　　......"

　　31、 "Caller: ""I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?""."

　　32、 "A young man went shopping. He bought a small can of corn, a small can of tuna(金枪鱼), a small jar of mayo(蛋黄酱), a small lemon and a very small box of teabags. When he came to the counter the girl at the cashregister smiled at him and said; ""Dearest, You must be single.""

　　......"

　　33、 "A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, ""Pull over!""

　　""No,"" she replied, ""a pair of socks!"""

　　34、 "A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.

　　The carpenter replied ""twenty seven feet, six and one half inches"".

　　""What? How come you are so sure of that distance?"", asked the judge.

　　......"

　　35、 The soldier was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

　　......

　　36、 "Teacher had set his class an essay in ""A Game of Cricket"". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: ""Rain stopped play."""

　　37、 "Young Lady: "" Your novel has a charming ending.""

　　Author: "" What do you think of the opening chapters?""

　　Young Lady: "" I have not got to them yet!""Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Brack, ""Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream.""

　　""Why did it make you late?"" inquired the teacher.

　　......"

　　38、 "Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?

　　Tom: Men.

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　Tom: Twins."

　　39、 "A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

　　Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying ""A dollar per point.""

　　......"

　　40、 "Farmer Jones picked a big red apple and handed it to the boy saying, ""Watch out for worms.""

　　""When I eat apples,"" replied the boy, ""the worms have to watch out for themselves."

　　41、 "A lady went to a pet shop to buy a parakeet. She asked the clerk for a bird that could sing. The man sold her a parakeet, and she took it home. There, she examined the bird and found out it had a broken leg. She returned to the store with the......"

　　42、 "Patient: Doctor, please tell me the truth. What are my chances of recovery?

　　Doctor: Just one hundred percent! Statistics show that only nine out of ten die of the disease. Now nine of my patients have already died of it. You are the tenth!"

　　43、 "A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

　　Turning to her kittens, the cat said, ""You see how important it is to know a second language."""

　　44、 "During the fight, the boxer swiped the air furiously, but could not hit his opponent.

　　""How am I doing?"" he asked the coach at the end of the round.

　　""Well, if you keep this up,"" replied the coach, ""he might feel the wind and catch a cold."" "

　　45、 "Captain: Are you happy now that you are in the Navy?

　　Able Seaman Jack: Yes, sir.

　　Captain: What were you before you came into the Navy?

　　Able Seaman Jack: Much happier."

　　46、 "A traveler came to a river one day. He hired boatman to take him to the other side. It was a windy day and the waves were very high. So the traveler was a little afraid.

　　""Are you sure we can cross the river safely?"" he asked.

　　""Of course,"" answered the boatman. The boat left the bank.

　　......"

　　47、 "A thief with a long record was brought before the judge.

　　Judge: Have you ever stolen things?

　　Thief: Oh, now and then.

　　Judge: And where have you stolen these things?

　　Thief: Oh, here and there.

　　Judge: Right. Lock him up, officer.

　　Thief: Hey, when do I get out jail?

　　......"

　　48、 Doctor: And whom did you consult about your illness before you came to me?

　　Patient: Only the druggist down at the corner.

　　Doctor: And what sort of ridiculous advice did he gave you?

　　Patient: He told me to see you!

　　49、 "While making a long, dull speech, a politician received a great deal of heckling from the gallery. Secondly, someone threw a cabbage onto the stage. ""Ladies and gentlemen,"" said the politician , ""I see that one of my opponents has lost his head."""

　　50、 "Two motorists stopped head-on on a bridge too narrow for their cars to pass.

　　""I never back up for an idiot."" said one driver angrily.

　　""I always do."" replied the other as he shifted into reverse."

　　51、 "One guy goes to a doctor and says, ""Doctor, my wife has lost her voice. What

　　should I do to help her get it back? ""

　　The doctor replies, ""Try to come home at 3 in the morning."""

　　52、 "Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, ""Fellas, I got real problems. I‘m seventy years old. Every morning at seven o‘clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps.""

　　......"

　　53、 "There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate.

　　Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man‘s first day was going.

　　......"

　　54、 "A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he‘s getting sentimental because they‘re celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, ""No, I was thinking about the time before&nb......"

　　55、 "A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

　　""I couldn‘t help noticing how happy you look,"" she said. ""What‘s your secret for a long happy life?""

　　""I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,"" he said. ""I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.""

　　......"

　　56、 "OLD KIDS never die, they just grow up

　　OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils

　　OLD LASER pHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent

　　OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal

　　OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their briefs

　　......OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out

　　OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar

　　OLD NUCLEAR pOWER pLANTS never die, they just go off-line

　　OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed

　　OLD OWLS never die, they just don‘t give a hoot

　　......"

　　57、 "OLD RADIOS never die, they just stop receiving

　　OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail

　　OLD RAIN pUDDLES never die, they just dry up

　　OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little ""DINGHY""

　　OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise

　　OLD SALESMEN never die, they just go out of commission

　　......"

　　58、 "OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change color

　　OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they‘re just fooling themselves

　　OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs

　　OLD MATH TEACHERS never die, they just reduce to lowest terms

　　OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate

　　......"

　　59、 "OLD pOSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip

　　OLD pRINTERS never die, they‘re just not the type

　　OLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it

　　OLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile

　　OLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with life

　　OLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits　英语笑话100篇

　　......"

　　60、 "OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class

　　OLD TELEpHONES never die, they just stop ringing

　　OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state -- of maximum entropy

　　OLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get punctured

　　OLD TRASH never dies, they just bury it

　　......"

　　61、 "OLD WANTS never die, they become needs

　　OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time

　　OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind

　　OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down

　　OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever

　　OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged

　　......"

　　62、 "Recently seen on a card...　英语笑话100篇

　　Outside: We dont feel sorry for you blowing all those candles, what about us...

　　Inside: ... We had to stay up all night lighting them!"

　　63、 "An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: ""I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?""

　　patient: ""Well, give me the bad news first.""

　　Doctor: ""You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.""

　　......"

　　64、 "Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

　　One remarked to the other, ""Windy, ain‘t it?""

　　""No,"" the second man replied, ""It‘s Thursday.""

　　And the third man chimed in, ""So am I. Let‘s have a coke."""

　　65、 "For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.

　　Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn‘t help but comment, ""The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.""

　　......"

　　66、 "Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

　　He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

　　The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ""Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.""

　　......"

　　67、 You Know You Live In San Francisco When ...

　　Your co-worker tells you s/he have 8 body piercings but none are visible.

　　When someone says TENDERLOIN - you don‘t think of steak. You think of danger.

　　You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.

　　......

　　68、 "Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in paris?

　　A: He was declared to be in Seine.

　　------------------------------------------------------------

　　Fred was saying his prayers as his father passed by his bedroom door. ""God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and please make Calais the capital of France."" ""Fred,"" said his father, ""why do you want Calais to be the capital of France?"" ""Because that‘s what I wrote in my geography test!""

　　......"

　　69、 Q: Did you hear about the new American Express Card they are issuing in Red China?

　　A: You never leave home.

　　70、 "OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling

　　OLD BEEKEEpERS never die, they just buzz off

　　OLD BIKERS never die, but they‘re hard on tires

　　OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away

　　OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away

　　OLD BOOKKEEpERS never die, they just lose their figures

　　......"

　　71、 "OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved

　　OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground

　　OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out

　　OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive

　　OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically

　　OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react

　　......"

　　72、 "OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire

　　OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over

　　OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six

　　OLD DANCERS never die, they just step away

　　OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged

　　OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties

　　......"

　　73、 "OLD FOOTBALL pLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zone

　　OLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucket

　　OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away

　　OLD FRIDGE REpAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool

　　OLD FROGS never die, they just croak

　　OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes

　　......"

　　74、 "As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: ""What‘s that stuff on those hills?""

　　""Just snow,"" replied the stewardess.

　　""That‘s what I thought,"" said the lady, ""but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."""

　　75、 "OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just do it until it Hz

　　OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact

　　OLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, and on, and on...

　　OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings

　　OLD ENGLISH MAJORS do it with Strunk and White

　　......An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: ""Anyone knows the formula for water?""

　　""Sure. That‘s easy,"" said one man.

　　""What is it?""

　　""H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.""

　　""What, what?"" reasked the instructor.

　　""H to O,"" explained the chemistry expert."

　　76、 "private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.

　　""You can take your choice, private - one month‘s restriction or twenty day‘s pay,"" said the officer.

　　""All right, sir,"" said the bright soldier, ""I‘ll take the money."""

　　77、 "At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.

　　""What a great realist that painter is!"" he exclaimed.

　　""What painter?""

　　""The one that painted this picture ‘Soldiers at Work‘.""

　　""Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren‘t working at all!""

　　......"

　　78、 "The First parent

　　by Bill Cosby

　　Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God‘s omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

　　After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: ""Don‘t.""

　　......"

　　79、 "A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.

　　After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife‘s stomach with indelible ink.

　　The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

　　......"

　　80、 "The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.

　　Someone dialed 911.

　　When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

　　......"

　　81、 "When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.

　　The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

　　""Some parents,"" she said, ""tell the older child, ‘We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.‘ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.‘""

　　......"

　　82、 "The following is a true story written by an educational psychologist and her experience on a plane.

　　On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.

　　The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.

　　......"

　　83、 "For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren.She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.

　　She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.

　　......"

　　84、 "A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.

　　""Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue‘ and ‘A Love Supreme‘?"" she asked.

　　""Well, no,"" answered the puzzled homeowner. ""But I have a wife and eleven children.""

　　""Is that a record?"" she inquired.

　　......"

　　85、 "Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.

　　Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?

　　Father: Ok ask.

　　Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.

　　......"

　　86、 Great truths about life that adults have learned

　　Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

　　There is always alot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I‘m sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don‘t hurt.

　　One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

　　......

　　87、 "For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

　　One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

　　......"

　　88、 "There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.

　　......"

　　89、 "The following is a true story.

　　There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn‘t stop sucking his thumb, he‘d get fat.

　　......"

　　90、 "Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.

　　The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, ""Congratulations sir, you‘re the father of twins.""

　　""What a coincidence!"" the man said with some obvious pride. ""I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.""

　　......"

　　91、 "A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

　　It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

　　......"

　　92、 "A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her ""no."" The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, ""Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don‘t be upset. It won‘t be long.""

　　......"

　　93、 "Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.

　　The first says, ""I‘m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!""

　　The second says, ""Well I‘m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!""

　　......"

　　94、 "A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.He watched the game in astonishment for a while.""I can hardly believe my eyes!"" he exclaimed.""That‘s the smartest dog I‘ve ever seen.""

　　......The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge.Some people are afraid of heights.Not me, I‘m afraid of widths.

　　I had a dog once.I spilled spot remover on him, and now he‘s gone.

　　I put contact lenses in my dog‘s eyes.They had little pictures of cats on them.Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

　　......"

　　95、 "There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

　　The first cow said, ""I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary.They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.""

　　......"

　　96、 "Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.One says, ""Let‘s fly out of the cave and get some blood.""

　　""We‘re new here,"" says the second one.""It‘s dark out, and we don‘t know where to look.We‘d better wait until the other bats go with us.""

　　......"

　　97、 "Mrs. peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn‘t accommodate her with an ""after-hours"" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, ""I‘ll leave the key under the mat.Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I‘ll mail you a check.By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won‘t bother you.I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!""

　　......"

　　98、 "I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog.It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type.In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off.This happened all the way through the film.After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.

　　......"

　　99、 purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.

　　purrverse: poem about a strange kitty.

　　purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.

　　Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.

　　purrpetual:Everlasting love for domesticated felines.

　　purrson: A male kitty.

　　......

　　100、 "The animals were bored.Finally, the lion had an idea.""I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football.I‘ve seen it on T.V.""

　　He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play.They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.

　　......"

英语笑话100篇精选相关热词搜索：英语笑话

1、英语笑话带翻译 短一些篇一《短篇英语笑话10则带翻译》 英语笑话带翻译 短一些。(2016-01-07)