英语搞笑话剧

导读：　英语搞笑话剧篇一：搞笑英语话剧剧本 ...

英语搞笑话剧篇一：搞笑英语话剧剧本

搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿

旁白

道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。

第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .

Birds are dancing in the cold .

A man is walking along the street ,step by step .

Wind is coming in silence.

Another mysterious man approaches .

Y与X相遇．

X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !

Y:, Never mind baby.

X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?

Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?

X:Iamximenchuixue.

Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?

X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!

Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!

X:No, I must kill you !

Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!

X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?

Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!

X:Pardon!

(Y拿出一袋牛奶)

X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?

Y:please drink it!

X喝完牛奶:Thanks,

Y:Do you still want to kill me ?

X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.

Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?

X:I’m sure I won’t!

Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!

X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !

Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit

（一人路过，x起身跑过去）

X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .

Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

X:Thanks,byebye.

Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)

Y:Who are you?

H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?

Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .

H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !

Y:You are right !

H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my

king,he will give what you want.

Y:Yes,It’s very good.

H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!

第二幕：无间道

H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.

K:sit down plese, yegucheng.

Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?

King:yes,I will.

Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?

K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……

Y:of course.

美女出场

M:hello，帅锅..

K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.

H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter

what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?

Y: Yes,I do.

K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）

X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!

K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?

Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.

X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!

Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!

X:Forgive you? Why ?

Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell

you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!

X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”! Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)

X:milk?I love you.

K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !

X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)

K:Fuck you. I must kill you!

X:How can you kill me? haha……

Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)

M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑

到西门吹雪身边）

Y :do you want to go to wc?

X:Yes,I……I…… do.

Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.

M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !

K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?

M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue. K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?

Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.

M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and

tomorrow is a good beginning !

K:what a moving story ! I was impressed ! Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !

M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !

(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)

Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)

（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）

M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .

X:go home ! ?

M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.

X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.

M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,

M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !

英语搞笑话剧篇二：四人英语搞笑话剧剧本

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie<Avatar>? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.

乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞

吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?

甲:(作目瞪口呆状),

乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)

丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many

achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....

甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

near, far, wherever you are

i believe that the heart does go on

once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)

and you're here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on.

甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise 丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a

question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.

甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?

丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....

丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah! 甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.

丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!

甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,

丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.

甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,

三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right? 丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?

丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?

三人同声:we are past,right?

甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!

三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!

乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)

甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward

to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齐答:yes,we do!

甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

英语搞笑话剧篇三：英文搞笑话剧

News 本资料来自恒星英语网

《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）

Source: 2007-03-30

Wanders every five miles

焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(L for short)

焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LM for short)

太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(A Band C)

Prologue

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:Everybody says that I’m henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is Wu Song.

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!

(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’m afraid of whom?

My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in then eighbor-hood.She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

M y God! Who can help me?(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):I can!

(对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum?

JM:I’v e told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.

L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’sup?

JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so lazy……

L:But……

JM:Never interrupt me!

L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……

JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grand son,don’t you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’m back!

LM:You are back?Why?What happened?

L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,It old you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself……

L:But,mum……

LM:Never interrupt me!

L:Mum,I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK?And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.

LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.Hesaid:“If you daughter Haven’t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下)

L(惊愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)What as illy thing I have done!(下)

Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks?

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are still dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself.

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’m so hungry !But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.

JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet?

J:Mum,can’t your member? Lunch has gone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,a son with out a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice girl,go and take her back!

J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!

Act4

(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!

The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Give us all your money!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):Is 1mao enough?

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!

B:If we cannot rob any money to day,we will have nothing to eat tonight!

C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan zhi next month.WE can go and rob the wedding!

A&B:Good idea!

J(惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible!

AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!

J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!

(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go

with you.You take the money and I take the bride.

B:Have you got any experience?

J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!

A:The road is built by me!

B:And I planted one tree.

C:If you want to go by this street---

J:Give us all your money!

(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）

(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,how are you?

L(哭状):I hurt a lot!

J:Don’tcrybaby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)

L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)

(音乐起 Can You Celebrate)

英语搞笑话剧篇四：英文搞笑话剧

英文搞笑话剧 总共三个一，《孔雀东南飞》焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)Prologue(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemywifeisWuSong.(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetenderthanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)Act1(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law”.L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,solazy……L:But……JM:Neverinterruptme!L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardalldaylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchickenand……JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyourson.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)Act2(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)L:Mum,I’mback!LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!WhenyouinsistedonmarryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlistentome.Lookatyourself……L:But,mum……LM:Neverinterruptme!L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?AndI’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“IfyoudaughterHaven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgoandtellhim.(下)L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)Act3(J睡眼惺忪上)J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Nowshehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.JM(上):Where’

smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanicegirl,goandtakeherback!J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!Act4(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoandrobthewedding!A&B:Goodidea!J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgowithyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.B:Haveyougotanyexperience?J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)Act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(J和三强盗跃至台中)ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!B:AndIplantedonetree.C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---J:Giveusallyourmoney!(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?L(哭状):Ihurtalot!J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)二，《叶花K西》人物介绍：西门吹雪（X），叶孤城（Y），King(K).花满楼（H）道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠旁白：A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow .Birdsaredancinginthecold .Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep .Windiscominginsilence.Another mysteriousmanapproaches .Y与X相遇．X：oH ,Iamsorrytoknockyou !Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.X:Excuseme， whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname? Y:ha ha ,Iwon’tchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens. I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng. Whoareyou?X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?X:Yes,whatiswrong? Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?X:Great, youknowme !Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’tkillme! letmeyougo!X:No, Imustkillyou !Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twan

ttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!X:Noway! Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don''''''''''''''''t forceme!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X抢过牛奶:milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?Y:pleasedrinkit!X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,haY:Doyoustillwanttokillme?X:Sure, must! milkismilk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood! verygood! Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?X:I’msureIwon’t!Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !Y大笑：HaHa……X可怜状: help! help! Whereisthewashroom?Y:What ?X:Toliet?Y:What ?X:The “WC”?Y:Oh,I see ,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!X:Thanks,byebye.Y掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!Y:Whoareyou?H:Hua---man----lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC” now,ha……H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!Y:Youareright!H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?Y:Yes,It’sverygood.H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!Y:Ok,Let’s go!第二幕：无间道H:Mydearest ! letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou! （指Y） thisisyegucheng.K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascold headache,sair and aids?Y: Yes,Ido.K: Huamanlou, come . puttheringonhisfinger!（音乐停）X唱着上:Onlyyou……(看到戒子) thisringshouldbemine!K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?Y急切: king! dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再见)K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isn’t it ?Y:How clever……X冷酷:yegucheng! comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!Y抱X的腿:oldbrother ! Forgiveme!X:Forgiveme? Why?Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit. Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, I’lltellyou“I love you”,Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s“WC”!Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC .I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.K:Don’t saythat“you love me”. I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You---kill----me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou haveavacation.Y:That’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewh

ohasthesimilartastewithme! Hahaha……Y:Hahaha-----H:Where’ssomewhere?K:What? Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?X:Yes,I……I…… do.H顶着摇头：X,no, no， youcan’tgotoLady’s “WC”. Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!X: whatifI’mthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ? !K: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie. Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLady’s WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng------the wifeofX .I’maspy.K惊讶: !you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! (轻声说)Xwilldie ,goandseehim ,please .H扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning ! K:what amoving story !I was impressed !Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !H: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume ! (H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)Y痛苦状:don’tleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat I’m wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you------help me . I’ll never dothat again !(Y死，音乐停)（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .X:gohome ! ?H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor... promise meyou will survive... that youwillnevergiveup... nomatter what happens... no matter howhopeless... promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.H: I promise .X:Never let go . H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go , X.I''''''''ll never letgo.(X死)H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance !lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning ! （H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。）三，中英文双语话剧《新梁祝外传》剧本旁白：话说梁山伯和祝英台三年前一同来到刚刚成立的武汉新东方书院学习英语。梁山伯酷爱口语师从口语老师邓大付学习美国口语，尤其擅长模仿马丁?路德?金的演讲。（旁

白暂停，邓英文“I have a dream ”）。祝英台一心梦想出国，梦想有朝一日成为BBC主持人（旁白暂停，祝英文“this is BBC….）最终祝英台以托福和GRE高分的成绩被哥伦比亚大学录取。在祝英台临走的那一天，梁山伯十八里相送在天河机场与祝英台缠绵告别。L: Yingtai ，I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.！Z: I love you, too! Don’t worry. Shanbo I only love you in this wild world. I’ll marry you as soon as I’m back. Wait for me just for two years.L: I’ll kiss you across the Pacific Ocean.Z: I’ll kiss you from the other side. Wait for me. BoBo旁白：一周以后，祝英台从美国打来越洋电话。L:Oh, Sweetie, Yintai I miss you so much, miss you every minute every second. Oh my dear. Are you listening to me?Z: Listen, Liang Shanbo. I’m calling to tell you that I loved you. But I think you’d better find a better girl.L: What? Pardon?Z: Because I’ll get married.L: Married ? to who?Z: To 英俊潇洒风流倜傥玉树临风的Ma Wencai.. He is so handsome. So rich, even richer than Yu Minhong. And he is good at 葵花宝典。I love his money and I love his body.L: What are you talking about? You wait and see. I’ll give you some color to see see. I’ll kill you! I will kill you in America!Z: America? You can come to America? Hahahaha旁白：祝英台的无端背叛深深伤害了梁山伯脆弱的心灵，他发下毒誓：不杀祝英台誓不为人。于是重新来到新东方书院学习托福和GRE。当然他没有忘记用老生证可以优惠20块钱。为了能飞越重洋去杀掉祝英台，他每天提醒自己有一个梦想。I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and lives out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one day I will kill Zhu Yingtai right in America. It is a dream that deeply rooted in my heart. In my heart.旁白：一年之后，梁山伯也来到了美国，四处寻找祝英台的下落。终于在纽约街头找到他当年的爱人祝英台，而她正和马文才卿卿我我。L:Zhu Yingtai, long time no see, huh? Who am I ? I’m Liang Shanbo. I’m here to kill you.Z: Liang….shanbo. Oh, Wencai. He is crazy. He will kill me.M: You! Get out of here.L: You! Get out of here!M: 电话来了。Hello, I’m in wuhan. Ok ok I’ll come right nowZ: Please don’t go. Just stay, please. He’ll kill me.M: I know! But if I stay, he’ll kill me by the way..Z: You told me you were good at 葵花宝典?M: Sorry, I’m not good at 葵花宝典. I’m just good at 新华字典。 Z: Oh,you liar. Just get out of here!! (to Liang Shanbo) Oh,darling, you must kill me?L: Yes, I have to. B

英语搞笑话剧篇五：英语搞笑话剧——三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage

主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑）

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four Great

classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the

main

characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the

symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who

visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to

be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped

the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.

Now，let’s go into the story.

第一幕

屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，

诸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty，猪不亮扫地，送水（营养快线）

三兄弟上场，关羽（头巾），刘备（墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝） 刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气）

刘：嗯？没点着

En? It dosen’t burn on.

张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!

关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生

We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!

张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了

Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.

三人来到门前，石头剪子布

刘备：According to our custom？

关羽：OK.

张飞：No problem.

刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。

刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起）

刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。

诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.

仆人：Heng!(哼)

仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。 仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好) 刘备：Can you speak English?

关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese?

张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese?

刘备：（紧接着）Spanish?

关羽：（紧接着）Congolese?

张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian?

仆人：（紧接着）Shut up! Who are you people?

刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.

关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.

张飞：(同样摆个pose，把关羽碰倒了)I’m Sorry.

刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。

猪不亮：你们怎么来的啊

What do you three take to come here?

张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状

Riding a horse ,of course.

猪不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？

So,How do you riding a horse?

三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门

刘备突然明白了，“money！！”

张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台

第二幕

三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品

关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们

I think we’ll manage it this time.

张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，

老虎声音）

What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat!

刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了

稍息。。。立正。。。（张飞关羽照做）

Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention! 刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应）

You three! Be clever this time!

屋子中„„

（英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了）

诸葛亮：MY GOD！！上天你为什么这么惩罚我

My God!! Why do you punish me?!

猪不亮：老大别难过，班长杨超不也没过吗

Don’t be sad,my boss. As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination.

诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．．

What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···

（换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门）

猪不亮：谁啊

Who’s this?

张飞：收水费的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity

（开门，三人一脸嬉笑）

刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下

We are here again,bother to notice your boss.

（猪不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了）

（屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪）

张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语）

I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..

关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）

Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please. 猪不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。。

（你见，或者不见我

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not

我就在那里

I am standing right there

不悲不喜

With no emotion

你念，或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not

情就在那里

The feeling is right there

不来不去

And it isn’t going anywhere

你爱或者不爱我

It’s doesn’t matter）

英语搞笑话剧篇六：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

搞笑英语话剧之西游记篇

人物 ： 唐僧 八戒 悟空 白骨精原型女 白骨精变形1 白骨精变形2 白骨

精原型男 女儿国国王 hope you guys enjoy it！ 改编作者 杜宛芸 成医学子

唐: Wow…boys! This place looks beautiful. Where we are now? Does any

one of you know something about it?

众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

唐: 八戒, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)

唐:八戒， Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

唐：哼 !（唐生气地叫）pig ，Give the map……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)

唐:(很吃惊) wow！八戒，very good ! I hardly see you study！ . What kind of

book are you reading? Is it about Chinese or English?

八戒依旧看书，不理睬。

唐:(凑过去)let me have a look !

八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，唐一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼

神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

唐：yo….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)

唐:（转身训斥八戒）how many times have I told you？ You are not

supposed to read books about beautiful girls! I will keep it for you until we

finish the journey …..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)

八戒:But…..,why? boss, why can‟t we think about girls? I just don‟t

understand…

唐:（叹气）哎，how many times have I told you？ ,This is because…oh 悟

空 dance to my song ！

(开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous，悟空伴舞)

八戒:ok boss， I will listen to you！（无辜地表情）

唐:悟空,I am hungry.Go and get me some food…（四处看看）.where is 沙僧？, 悟空：he is feeding the horse . boss I„ll find some food and be back soon, 唐：ok….(悟空走了唐看见八戒还在这，正经地对八戒说) hey 八戒 I need to take a good rest . get out of here !give me some private space!

（八戒走后唐僧就偷袭着自言自语到眉毛上抬 使坏样）：嘿嘿 its time to call my little honey king of the girl country

唐:hi..sweetie how are you doing？(不解释….)

女:I am fine ,but I miss you very much ，after you left, I just can not stop recalling the days when we were together. 哼！ you seldom give me a call。 唐:oh darling….i am sorry. you know , these boys like to gossip about things like that. I can only call you when I am alone. But you know I love you from the bottom of my heart 。oh damn it ！…they are back! Honey I will call you the next time ok ！（挂断电话 一下装的很正经）

悟空: boss ， who are you calling ?

唐:er (支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda. where is my food? 悟空:here! Ive found some delicious bananas!

唐:banana，banana banana ! How many times do I have to tell you ？ I am a monk, instead of a monkey! I need rice rice(加重语气)！don‟t you understand? Go and give some to your brothers ok

悟空：摸摸头 ok boss 低头很沮丧 拿着香蕉向八戒走去

唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..

白骨精上场

白;Hahahaa…I know that any monster who eats master tang will live forever. how lucky I am, now they are in my place.笑着想想 oh , i can pretend to be a poor old lady, so they will trust me. 嘿嘿 I am really clever ……动感音乐响 白骨精1上场 和白骨精原形以舞蹈形式变换……双人舞完 ！

。

白1:嘿嘿I look great!

蹒跚的走过去

白1:hello, master.i have not eaten any food for days….can you spare some ? have mercy， may god bless you

唐：(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? Don‟t see I am starving too .get out of here, if you don‟t leave right now I will ask my money and pig to eat you 哼！ 白1：看看悟空和八戒 oh please don‟t do that I am leaving 蹒跚地离开 躲在一个离唐不远的地方。

悟空：走过来拿着香蕉 boss ，do you need some more bananas？

（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）

唐：, 悟空 ,you want to see it, dont you？ ,If you want to see it， you have to tell me that you want to see it, and I will give it to you ,let you see it but if you don‟t tell Me that you want to see it ， how can I know that you want to see it？ 。if you don‟t want to see it ，you also have to tell me that you don‟t want to see it 。then I wont let you see (悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)

唐：悟空！come back！ 哎。。。（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)

白1:（远处偷看到画册）oh …. He is interested in girls 嘿嘿 !

变成了一个女的 音乐很慢幽 白1和白2 双人舞变换

说话一定要嗲

白2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头边吃边看书：leave me alone. 白2再次碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone！这时，白2开口说话） 白2:hi…. gentleman!

唐:（转头）wow…hi sexy lady!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here ,do you want some food？take some bananes。 i am tang seng, you can call me Tanny

白2:oh Tanny…you are so friendly ,thanks for your banana。。。I just got lost ，and don‟t know where to go now！can you help me？

唐:yes of course, I will try my best to help you， you don‟t worry！ 八戒：朝唐僧看看：wow ，what a beautiful girl ！手拍拍悟空 look look 悟空:看到后 oh my god ！our boss is in danger now！

马上朝白2冲过去

悟空：“monster，I will kill you！“吓到白2 躲到唐的后面

唐:what are you doing？ monkey， don‟t be rude! this beautiful lady is my new friend！

悟空:boss, this is a monster， in order to get close to you。,she has changed herself into a charming girl ，she will eat you ！

唐:bullshit! you must be fed up with this trip to the west…..

（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）

唐：I think ， you， little monkey need to be punished

悟空：（赶忙说）oh ,no , boss, please

唐:(叹气)哎唱着 it is so late to apologise。。。。。! 说 Money ， you deserve what you will suffer(摆姿势，要念咒语) ( 杰克逊的beat it ，，，，just beat it， beat it ，will you listen to me ？will you listen to me ？will you listen to me？ )

悟空抱头大叫：“oh boss enough enough。。。please stop stop I will listen to you“

八戒过来求情 ：“boss he cant stand it now看着悟空痛苦样，哦米拖佛 poor money！„

唐停止念咒 说：“ok、monkey, remember don‟t make such stupid mistakes again，you can go now „悟空抱着很痛的头摇摇晃晃的离开。

唐僧看着八戒：“八戒 you also have to leave here ，your ugly pig face will make my friend scared，go go go ！” 八戒不情愿地离开

白2:hahaha….，白2白原形一起双人舞变换成白原形 音乐很 恐怖

白原：idiot！ .look who I am （变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）i will eat you….

唐：啊 ！ 悟空 悟空 八戒 come back come back

白原：哈哈哈 shut up ！ no one can save you now！hahahahahha 仰天大笑唐掏偷偷出电话：“hi honey，I am in danger now，come and save me‟ ！be quick！„

白原看到将电话拿过扔掉

白原：‘哼，‟正要杀唐 做出姿势

女:“stop ！白原转过头来

英语搞笑话剧篇七：搞笑版 英语话剧 孔雀东南飞

《孔雀东南飞》

表演者：焦仲卿 吕鹏飞饰（040905049）

刘兰芝 高娜娜饰（040905035）

焦母 李鹏飞饰（040905043）

刘母 李建功饰（040905042）

太守之子 李智勇饰（040905046）

强盗A 刘蕾饰（040905047）

强盗B 刘涛饰（040905048）

强盗C 马宁饰（040905050）

焦仲卿Johnny (J for short) 刘兰芝Lunch(L for short)

焦母Johnny’s mother (JM for short) 刘母Lunch’s mother(LM for short) 太守之子Mayor’s son (MS for short) 强盗Burglars(A，B&C)

J: Everybody says that I’m henpecked, but in fact, I’m as strong as a tiger, while my wife is Wu Song.

I’m not afraid of you!

My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood. She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me. All this I do not care. I only want her to be tender than me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

My God! Who can help me?

Act1

旁白：就在我们可爱的仲卿遭受家庭暴力时，JM已将这一切尽收耳底。 JM:I can!

Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?

L: I’m here! What’s up mum?

JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me "my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.

L: OK. My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so badly. You have been so rude, so brusque, so lazy„„

L: But„„

JM: Never interrupt me!

L: Never interrupt me! Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny, I have been working hard all

day long, cooking and washing. I have raised ten soft thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and„„

JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson! Grandson! Where’s my grandson?

L: Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you? Go and ask your son. I’m leaving!

Act2

旁白：被婆婆赶出家门的兰芝一步一回头，三步两回头，无奈的回到了自己的家中。此时，LM正在家中跳舞，有请！

L: Mum, I’m back!

LM: You are back? Why? What happened?

L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.

LM: See! I have already told you! When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny, I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor ,but you did not listen to me. Look at yourself„„

L: But, mum„„

LM: Never interrupt me!

L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.

LM: Nice girl! Just now, I met the mayor’s son in the market. He said:” If your daughter. Haven’t been married, I really want to marry her! “Now you are free again, I’ll go and tell him.(下)

L: What? The mayor’s son? The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood? What a silly thing I have done!(下)

Act3

旁白：没有了兰芝的焦家很快陷入了窘境，JM只好让仲卿将兰芝找回。听说去兰芝家的路上常有强盗出没。

A: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!

The road is built by me!

B: And I planted one tree!

C: If you want to go by this street---

AB&C: Give us all your money!

旁白：据可靠史料记载，当时，这把刀离他的喉咙只有0.01公分！

J: Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me! I’ll give all my money to you! Is 1 mao enough?

A: What bad luck!

B: If we can not rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!

C: I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan zhi next month. We can go and rob the wedding!

A&B: Good idea!

J: What? What? Lunch is going to get married? It’s impossible! AB&C: Why? A pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!

J: But Lunch is my wife! We haven’t got divorced yet! I’ve got an idea! You are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? I’ll go with you. You take the money and I take the bride.

B: Have you got any experience?

J: No. But I’ve got this!

Act4

旁白：转眼已到了婚礼之期．太守之子意气风发的牵着新娘，兰芝盖着红盖头极不情愿跟在后边。

ABC&J: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!

A: The road is built by me!

B: And I planted one tree.

C: If you want to go by this street---

ABC＆J: Give us all your money!

L: Johnny! I miss you so much!

MS: Who are you and where are you from? Who rob my bride will be killed!

J: How dare you beat my wife! I will kill you!

J: Honey, how are you?

L: I hurt a lot!

J: Don’t cry baby. Eat this at once! I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)

L: Wait for me!

学院：理学院

班级：04信计（2）班 专业：信息与计算科学

英语搞笑话剧篇八：搞笑英语话剧剧本.1doc

搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sword

搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》

旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.

Action I

太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）

太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三：Yes.

Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）

荆轲

Are you Li mochou?

李莫愁

Yes.

荆轲

OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.

李莫愁

Are you challenging me?

荆轲

Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意

莫愁

Come on!

音乐起

两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。” 李莫愁倒地

荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢

一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. 轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荆柯：Sure!

太子丹：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?

太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：

To be or not to be, that's a question.

阿三：Hero，we need your help.

荆柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.

荆柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?

荆柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.

阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .

太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.

荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗„„

荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you. 太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!

Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）

荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.

阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.

（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose

在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.

妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you. 荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.

妻子:"I promise."

荆轲:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。） 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，

荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never„„ Never„„ 妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.

英语搞笑话剧篇九：搞笑英语话剧

英语搞笑话剧篇十：孔雀东南飞--英语搞笑短剧剧本

焦仲卿johnny(j for short)

刘兰芝lunch(l for short)

焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)

刘母lunch’s mother(lm for short)

太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)

强盗burglars(a b and c)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)

j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my wife is wusong.

译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。 (指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!

译：我才不怕你呢！

(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood. she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i do not care. i only want her to be tenderer than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)

my god! who can help me?(下)

译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？

act1 第一幕

(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)

jm(拄拐棍上):i can!

(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?

l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?

jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.

l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly. you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy……

l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!

l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……

jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!

l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)

act2

(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)

l: mum, i’m back!

lm: you are back?why? what happened?

l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.

lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. look at yourself……

l: but, mum……

lm: never interrupt me!

l: mum, i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.

lm(大喜): nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market. he said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)

l(惊愕): what? the mayor’s son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3

(j睡眼惺忪上)

j(边走边道): lunch! lunch! where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty! (突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh, i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. i have to cook for my mother and myself.

jm(上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet?

j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless. lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!

j(立正敬礼): yes madam!

act4

(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

a: hey you! stop and listen to us!

the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

c: if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)

ab&c: give us all your money!

j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

a: what bad luck! this guy is broken!

b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!

c: i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month. we can go and rob the wedding!

a&b: good idea!

j(惊讶): what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!

ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!

j: but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意) i’ve got an idea! you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you. you take the money and i take the bride.

b: have you got any experience?

j: no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(j和三强盗跃至台中)

abc&j: hey you! stop and listen to us!

a: the road is built by me!

b: and i planted one tree.

c: if you want to go by this street---

j: give us all your money!

(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)

l(惊喜万分): johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)

(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒) j(火冒三丈): how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）

(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)

(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you? l(哭状): i hurt a lot!

j: don’t cry baby. i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

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